"Diana's Death" joke

THE BRITISH CONSPIRACY THEORY Just for the sake of argument, hear me out.
I have a theory. Tell me what you think of it:
Diana is alive.
The entire thing was a hoax. The World's Most Photographed Person finally
got them off her back. It took a lot of money and a great deal of
persuasion but Diana and Al-Fayed could easily have supplied both. Check
these facts out:
1. Nobody has seen any images of Diana's corpse.
2. The' eye-witnesses' who claimed to have seen the crash could very well
have been paid to say what they did.
3. The initial' suspects' were the paparazzi. If they were made to seem
responsible for the' accident' then the world would revile them and no-one
would be indecent enough to buy and publish the pictures thus assuring
that no documentary proof of the crash ever gets seen. And even if there
were pictures of Diana in a wrecked Merc they could easily have been
fabricated beforehand, what with computer imaging and all.
4. Now the blame has shifted to the' intoxicated' driver, who conveniently
is also' dead'. Thus the photographers are exonerated. They allowed
themselves to be scapegoats but only long enough for their photos to be
banned.
5. Why did the ambulance take 90 minutes to get to a hospital that was
only a few kilometres away, and in the middle of the night at that. Could
it have stopped off somewhere to make a drop-off / pick-up?
6. The doctors could have been paid to say everything they did.
7. As for the sole' survivor', the bodyguard who is supposed to still be
in hospital, has anyone seen much less spoken to him? And what if he too
'dies'?
8. Where are the traffic camera images of the speeding car. Even if there
were, could any traffic camera make out the number plate of a car hurtling
through the night at 196km/h?
9. How could the alleged press motorcycles conduct the sort of road
gymnastics they were supposed to have done at those sort of speeds through
a tunnel. Were there any reports on the death of the rider of the crashed
bike. To fall off a bike at those speeds would have meant certain death.
10. A car crash would have been the best way to do something like this. A
plane crash would have been more convincing but somebody would have really
had to die to do that. A yacht capsizing would have raised too many doubts
as well as have been a lot more costly.
11. A SEALED coffin arrived in Britain. Diana did not lie in state.
Apparently she was' too disfigured'.
12. The Queen behaved exactly as she would, given her feelings toward
Diana, and delayed her decision on the scale of the funeral.
13. Dodi's father was reported to have been instrumental in getting Tony
Blair's Labour government into power. If so Blair owed him a big one.
14. It is likely that Charles could have been in on the whole thing but
even if he wasn't he would have been easy to fool. He went to see the body
in the hospital but he could have just seen a corpse mangled beyond
positive identification and made to look like that of Diana's. At any rate
Charles looks good now. From the image of a rejected man to that of a
grieving father and ex-husband.
15. The only major doubt I'm having about this theory: What of the
outpouring of national grief that Britain and the world experienced? How
could a country's leaders put their populace through something like that?
Two ways to unite a nation - either general euphoria or general grief but
a unity nonetheless. How do leaders feel when they send their people out
to die in wars? Wars that unite a nation? They may have felt this was a
small price to pay for the general good.
16. So how would the Royals look coming out of this? All the Royal Family
has ever really wanted was to be left alone. The general consensus now is
that of a decline in the popularity of the Royals but perhaps that was
their intention - to slowly put an end to the British Monarchy and allow
themselves to be weaned back to normal lives, something they have never
experienced and have probably longed for all their lives. Who will be the
next ruler of England? William is only 15. Britain may become a Republic.
Think of what would have happened if Diana Princess of Wales actually
married Dodi Al-Fayed. What would she (and he) have lost? All Diana and
Dodi ever wanted was privacy and for their lives to begin again - at any
price, and Dodi and his Dad could afford it. We're talking about the start
of a new life here - a brand new existence, a new beginning. Some of us
would go to any lengths to achieve this and we're not even Diana or Dodi.
Money can do wonders. A lavish state funeral? No problem. Diana is
canonised, Charles looks better than he ever did, even the Queen looks
good for giving D such a plush parade, the press is cleared - no pictures
will ever be printed, the drunk driver is' dead' and the doctors and
'witnesses' are rich.
The two princes were old enough to understand the plan and were probably
in on it from the start, perhaps much earlier than Charles or the Queen
were, given the children's closeness to their mother and Dodi.
Mother Teresa is definitely dead, no doubt about that. We saw Kennedy
being shot and the only question about that was who did it. But Diana and
Dodi are probably on some remote island right now - partying with Elvis
and Salman's dropping by for tea later with Freddie.
Just for the sake of argument, what do you think?