Spiders Jokes

On September 4 1999 at 9. 30 a. m. Ron Guptey of N. S. W Australia went into hospital complaining of severe pain in the rectum area. The doctor on call examined him, he found severe swelling around the anus but was left puzzled because he had not seen such a thing before.

Two more doctors examined Ron but they too were left confused about what was happening. Through the day Ron's was deteriorating he had developed a fever and was suffering a lot of pain around his abdomen. The doctors gave pain killers but the symptoms worsened until 2. 57 p. m. when he lapsed into a coma and 2 hours later was pronounced dead.

An investigation was led to discover the reason of death. The body was placed in for a post mortem, traces of wood bark were found inside the rectal passage, but as the examination went further the doctor discovered about 3 or 4 black widow spiders in Ron's intestine.

The police had found a tree with a cut of branch along the side in Ron's back more...

Little Lucy was playing in the garden when she spotted two spiders mating.

"Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?"

"They're mating, Lucy" he replied.

"What do you call the spider on top, Daddy?" Lucy asked.

"Oh, that's a Daddy Longlegs."

Lucy asked, "Oh, so one's a Daddy Longlegs and the other one is a Mommy Longlegs?"

Daddy replied, "No, both of them are Daddy Longlegs."

Lucy thought for a moment, then took her foot and stamped them flat. "Well, we're not having THAT sort of thing in our garden!"

Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating? To stop the snoring before it starts.

A man and his daughter were standing in the garden one day when the little
girl spots two spiders mating. Mary: Daddy, what are those two spiders doing? Dad: They're mating, honey. Mary: What's the one on top called? Dad: It's a daddy-longlegs. Mary: So the one on bottom is a mommy-longlegs? Dad: No, it's a daddy-longlegs, too. Mary: (thinks for a minute, then stomps on both spiders) Well, we're not having any of that crap in OUR garden!

Q: What do you call two spiders who just got married? A: Newlywebs.