Spinach Jokes / Recent Jokes

A boy is about to go on his first date, and is nervous about what to talk about. He asks his father for advice.
The father replies: “My son, there are three subjects that always work. These are food, family, and philosophy. ”
The boy picks up his date and they go to a soda fountain. Ice cream sodas in front of them, they stare at each other for a long time, as the boy’s nervousness builds.
He remembers his father’s advice, and chooses the first topic.
He asks the girl: “Do you like spinach? ” She says “No, ” and the silence returns.
After a few more uncomfortable minutes, the boy thinks of his father’s suggestion and turns to the second item on the list. He asks, “Do you have a brother? ” Again, the girl says “No” and there is silence once again.
The boy then plays his last card. He thinks of his father’s advice and asks the girl the following question: “If you had a brother, would he like spinach? ”

This diet is designed to help you cope with the stress that builds during the course of the day.
BREAKFAST
1/2 grapefruit
1 slice of whole wheat toast
8 oz. low fat or skim milk
LUNCH
4 oz lean broiled chicken breast
1 cup steamed spinach
1 cup herbal tea
1 Oreo cookie
MID-AFTERNOON SNACK
Rest of Oreos in pack
2 pints Haagen Daz ice cream
1 jar hot fudge sauce, nuts, cherries, whipped cream
DINNER
2 loaves garlic bread with cheese large sausage & cheese pizza
4 cans or 1 large pitcher beer
3 Milky Way candy bars
LATE EVENING NEWS
Entire frozen Sara Lee cheesecake eaten directly from the freezer.
RULES FOR THIS DIET
1. If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.
2. If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are canceled out by the diet soda.
3. When you eat with someone else, calories don't count as long as you don't more...

The Spinach industry took a huge blow last week, when an E. coli outbreak was blamed on the leafy green, causing millions in lost revenues....










Although the real victim in all of this is Olive Oyl. Who has been kidnapped, tied to railroad tracks and raped several times by Bluto in the absense of spinach...











Whimpy has been unaffected.

The Non-Stress DietThis diet is designed to help you cope with stress which normally builds up during the day.Breakfast1/2 Grapefruit
1 Slice Whole Wheat Toast, Dry
8 oz. Skim MilkLunch4 oz. Lean Broiled Chicken Breast
1 cup Steamed Spinach
1 cup Herb Tea
1 Oreo CookieMid-Afternoon SnackRest of the Oreos in the package
2 Pints Rocky Road Ice Cream
1 Jar Hot Fudge Sauce
Nuts, Cherries, Whipped CreamDinnerLoaves of Garlic Bread with Cheese
Large Sausage, Mushroom & Cheese Pizza
4 Cans or 1 Large Pitcher of Beer
3 Milky Way or Snickers Candy Bars Rules For This Diet1. If you eat something, and no one else sees you eat it, it has no calories. 2. When drinking a diet soda while eating a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are cancelled by the diet soda.3. When you eat with someone else, calories don't count as long as you don't eat more than they do.4. Foods used for medicinal purposes NEVER count. Example: hot chocolate, brandy, toast, and more...

A boy is about to go on his first date, and is nervous about what to talk about. He asks his father for advice.
The father replies: "My son, there are three subjects that always work. These are food, family, and philosophy."
The boy picks up his date and they go to a soda fountain. Ice cream sodas in front of them, they stare at each other for a long time, as the boy's nervousness builds.
He remembers his father's advice, and chooses the first topic.
He asks the girl: "Do you like spinach?" She says "No," and the silence returns.
After a few more uncomfortable minutes, the boy thinks of his father's suggestion and turns to the second item on the list. He asks, "Do you have a brother?" Again, the girl says "No" and there is silence once again.
The boy then plays his last card. He thinks of his father's advice and asks the girl the following question: "If you had a brother, would he like spinach?"

Health authorities hunting the source of a nationwide E. coli outbreak are focusing on nine California farms after discovering what could be a crucial clue: an open bag of spinach left in the refrigerator of someone sickened by the bacteria. The bag of tainted Dole baby spinach is the "smoking gun," said a California health official.

--- And we didn't even need to torture anyone to find it.

How do you get holy water? Boil the hell out of it. What did the fish say when he hit a concrete wall?" Dam!"What do prisoners use to call each other? Cell phonesWhat do you call a boomerang that doesn't work? A stickWhat do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho cheeseWhat do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milkWhat do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? FrostbiteWhat has four legs, is big, green, fuzzy and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you? A pool table. Why do bagpipers walk when they play? They're trying to get away from the noise. What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer? The taste. What is a polygon? A dead parrot. How do you stop an elephant from charging? Take away its credit cards. What's the difference between boogers and spinach? You can't get kids to eat spinach. What did the horse say when he fell? Ive fallen and I can't giddy up! What do you call someone who doesn't fart in public? A private tutor. more...