Splits Jokes / Recent Jokes

Yo mama is so fat she did the splits and gave the road a hickey.

Adam and Eve virus: Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.

Airline virus: You`re in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.

Anita Hill virus: Lies dormant for ten years.

Arnold Schwarzenegger virus: Terminates and stays resident. It`ll be back.

AT & T virus: Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.

The MCI virus: Every three minutes it reminds you that you`re paying too much for the AT & T virus.

Bill Clinton virus: This virus mutates from region to region and we`re not exactly sure what it does.

Bill Clinton virus: Promises to give equal time to all processes: 50% to poor, slow processes; 50% to middle-class processes, and 50% to rich ones. This virus protests your computer`s involvement in other computer`s affairs, even though it has been having one of its own for 12 years.

Congressional Virus: Overdraws your computer.

Congressional Virus: The more...

Adam and Eve virus: Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.
Airline virus: You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.
Anita Hill virus: Lies dormant for ten years.
Arnold Schwarzenegger virus: Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back.
AT&T virus: Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.
The MCI virus: Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for the AT&T virus.
Bill Clinton virus: This virus mutates from region to region and we're not exactly sure what it does.
Bill Clinton virus: Promises to give equal time to all processes: 50% to poor, slow processes; 50% to middle-class processes, and 50% to rich ones. This virus protests your computer's involvement in other computer's affairs, even though it has been having one of its own for 12 years.
Congressional Virus: Overdraws your computer.
Congressional Virus: The computer locks up, screen splits erratically with a message appearing more...

Why do blondes have T. G. I. F. printed on each shoe?
"Toes Go In First."
What is the mating call of a blonde?
"I think I'm getting drunk"
What is the mating call of the brunette?
"Is the blonde bitch gone yet?"
What do blondes say after sex?
"Who were those men?"
Why do blondes wear panties?
"To keep their ankles warm!"
How do blondes turn on the lights after sex?
"Open the car door!"
What does a blonde have in common with an airplane?
"They both have a black box."
What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning?
"Goes Home."
What does a blonde wear behind her ears to attract men?
"Her ankles!"
What do you call a blonde with a dollar over her head?
"All You Can Eat, Under a Dollar!"
What does a blonde have in common with a turtle?
"If they end up on their back, they're more...

Surprise Settlement Evenly Splits Microsoft; One Firm To Make Software, Other To Make Patches
Decision Keeps Redmond from Monopolizing Massive Microsoft Patch Industry
Redmond, Wash. (SatireWire.com) — In a surprise settlement today with nine U.S. states, Microsoft agreed to be split into two independent companies — one that will continue to make Microsoft operating systems, browsers, and server software, and another, potentially larger company that will make patches for Microsoft operating systems, browsers, and server software.
Critics immediately charged that the settlement — which overrides a previous agreement with the U.S. Department of Justice — does nothing to diminish Microsoft's standing as the world's most powerful software company. But industry analysts argued that providing patches for security holes in Microsoft programs is a major, untapped growth industry, and applauded the states for not allowing Redmond to control it.
"Just consider, more...