Spoon Jokes

A little corporate humor
I took some friends out to dinner last week, and I noticed a spoon in the shirt pocket of our waiter as he handed us the menus. It seemed a little odd, but I dismissed it as a random thing. Until our busboy came with water & tableware; he too, sported a spoon in his breast pocket. I looked around the room, and all the waiters, waitresses, busboys, etc. had spoons in their pockets.When our waiter returned to take our order, I just had to ask, "Why the spoons?""Well," he explained, "our parent company recently hired some AndersenConsulting efficiency experts to review all our procedures, and aftermonths of statistical analyses, they concluded that our patrons dropspoons on the floor 73% more often than any other utensil; at a frequency of 3 spoons per hour per workstation. By preparing all our workers for this contingency in advance, we can cut our trips to the kitchen down and save time...nearly 1.5 extra man-hours per shift. Just more...

It seems that a man entered a restaurant and sat at the only open table. As he sat down, he knocked the spoon off the table with his elbow. A nearby waiter reached into his shirt pocket, pulled out a clean spoon, and set it on the table. The diner was impressed. "Do all the waiters carry spoons in their pockets?" The waiter replied, "Yes. Ever since we had that efficiency expert out; he determined that 17.8% of our diners knock the spoon off the table. By carrying clean spoons with us, we save trips to the kitchen."
The diner ate his meal. As he was paying the waiter, he commented, "Forgive the intrusion, but do you know that you have a string hanging from your fly?" The waiter replied, "Yes, we all do. Seems that the same efficiency expert determined that we spend to much time washing our hands after using the men's room. So, the other end of that string is tied to my penis. When I need to go, I simply pull the string, go, and return to work. more...

Impressed by the impeccable cleanliness of the restaurant, the customer summoned his waiter over to the table to compliment him.
"We take pride in our sanitary precautions," the waiter explained. "For example, the manager makes us carry a spoon, so we don't have to touch the food we serve, and we even have a string attached to our pants fly, so that we don't touch the zipper."
"But how do you get it back into your trousers?" the customer whispered.
"Don't know about the others," the waiter replied, "but I use my spoon."

A man spoke with the Lord about heaven and hell. The Lord said to the man, "Come, I will show you hell." They entered a room where a group of people sat around a huge pot of stew. Everyone was famished, desperate and starving. Each held a spoon that reached the pot, but each spoon had a handle so much longer than their arms that it could not be used to get the stew into their own mouths. The suffering was terrible.
"Come, now I will show you heaven," the Lord said after a while. They entered another room, identical to the first - the pot of stew, the group of people, the same long-handled spoons. But there everyone was happy and well-nourished.
"I don't understand," said the man. "Why are they happy here when they were miserable in the other room and everything was the same?"
The Lord smiled, "Ah, it is simple," he said. "Here they have learned to feed each other."

Tim Shandy stepped into the Warm Spoon, a popular Galway tavern.To Mike Callahan, the barkeep, Shandy said "Mike, I'll be havin'three whiskeys."Callahan set up three glasses and began to pour. "Now, Timothy, it's not the usual thing for you to ask for three whiskeys. It'scelebratin', you are."Ahh, ye know me too well, Micheal, ye do. Truth, and I'm celebratingme first blow job."Callahan smiled benevolently and set a fourth glass on the bar."Now, that's special," he said. "For an old customer like y'rself, here's a fourth on the house, so I may be sharin' your celebrationwith you."Shandy shook his head, and replied "'Tis verra kind of ye, Micheal, but I'm thinkin' if three won't get rid of the taste, four won'teither."