Sport Jokes / Recent Jokes
What do you get if you drop a piano on a teams defence? A flat back four!
A true story, according to the LA Times..... Coach Frank Layden of the Utah Jazz asked forward Jeff Wilkins, "Is your bad play due to ignorance or apathy?"Wilkins replied, "I dont know and I dont care!"
"I found my wife in bed naked one day next to a Vietnamese guy and a black guy. I took a picture and sent it to Benetton. You never know."
** Franck Dubosc
"What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'Hold my purse.'"
** Francois Morency
"Luge strategy? Lie flat and try not to die."
** Tim Steeves
"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships."
** Jimmy Shubert
"My girlfriend always laughs during sex-no matter what she's reading."
**Emo Philips
"Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets (oral sex) no matter how bad it is."
** Lenny Clarke
"I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said, 'Thyroid problem?'"
** Emo Philips
"Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you're in."
** Rich Jeni
"Hockey is a sport for more...
"How was your golf game, dear?" asked Jacks wife Tracy."Well, I was hitting pretty well, but my eyesights gotten so bad, Icouldnt see where the ball went.""Youre seventy-five years old, Jack!" admonished his wife. "Why dont you take my brother Scott along?""But hes eighty-five and doesnt even play golf anymore," protested Jack."Yes, but hes got perfect eyesight and can watch your ball for you,"Tracy pointed out. The next day Jack teed off with Scott looking on. Jack swung and the ball disappeared down the middle of the fairway. "Did you see where it went?" asked Jack."Yup," Scott answered."Well, where is it?" yelled Jack, peering off into the distance."I forgot."
What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver?
Bad Golfer: "Whack!" "Damn!"
Bad Skydiver: "Damn!!" "Whack!!"
Things to do at a Bowling Alley Everytime you throw exclaim "TAKE THAT, YOU!!!" continue this behavior until forcefully thrown out. When ever a strike "X" appears on the screen, start yelling about how this is a Black Panther conspiracy. Explain to the Owner how your game has been ruined due to Platetechtonics then loose him in lingo. Demand Compensation. Bring Zippo fluid, light the pins on fire. Wear Golf Shoes. Pray to the pins, leave sacrifices. Dress up like an amish man. Give speaches to others against the high technology used in bowling. Play bocci with extra lane balls Try to juggle the balls, when you drop them, start screaming about Platetechtonics again Every ten minutes run the entire length of the building beating your own head and speaking in tounges, then sit down as if nothing happened. Bring full angling gear, ask how they're biting..... fish. Completely cover your ball in duct tape (sticky side out) then loudly complain about how your hook is off. more...
A woman and her husband decided to go on a skiing trip one weekend. They rode the ski lift to the top of the mountain, and were preparing to go down. The woman suddenly announced that she needed to use the restroom, and NOW. Her husband told her that since the coast was clear, she could just hide behind a tree and go.
Well, the woman had her pants down around her ankles when she suddenly began going down the mountain. She hit a tree on the way down and broke her leg and her arm and had several other bumps and bruises.
When she awoke at the hospital, she was surprised to see another man who was dressed in a skiing outfit and also looked as if he had been in a skiing accident. The woman was very curious about this man, so she asked him what happen.
You'll never believe it, he told her. I was just skiing down the mountain, and a woman went by with her pants around her ankles, and I crashed into a bush.