Sport Jokes / Recent Jokes
Our team is doing so badly that "Manager of the Month" isn't an award. It's an appointment! Did you hear about the football team who ate too much pudding? They got jellygated! Which insect didn't play well in goal? The fumble bee! What did the bumble bee striker say? Hive scored! What is black and white and black and white and black and white? A Newcastle fan rolling down a hill! What are Brazilian fans called? Brazil nuts! Why did a footballer take a piece of rope onto the pitch? He was the skipper! How do hens encourage their football teams? They egg them on!
CORVALLIS, OREGON: Oregon State football practice was delayed yesterday for two hours.
One of the players, while on his way to the locker room, happened to look down and notice a suspicious-looking, unknown white powdery substance on the practice field. Head Coach Dennis Erickson immediately suspended practice while the FBI was called in to investigate. After a field analysis, the FBI determined that the white substance unknown to the players was the goal line.
Practice was resumed when FBI Special Agents decided that the team would not be likely to encounter the substance again.
Digger Phelps' Words of WisdomFrom the NCAA Tournament:"Basketball is a game of two halves.""We have to remember that whoever scores the most points by the end wins.""You're either a good team or a bad team, and they played somewhere in the middle.""He's like all great players -- not great yet.""You don't score 86 points without being able to shoot."
A guy took his girlfriend to her first football game. Afterward he asked her how she liked the game."I liked it, but I couldn't understand why they were killing each other for 25 cents," she said."What do you mean?" he asked."Well, everyone kept yelling,' Get the quarter back!'"
Requirements for 11th Degree Black Belt Master of Judo Well before testing for this rank any experienced Judo teacher should have already learned these basic techniques: Escape from DojoThe quick exit to avoid clean up and helping with the mats. Sleeper StanceStanding at the corner of the dojo pretending to be observing the students as they sweat with exhaustion. Sigh of WisdomSudden, forceful exhalation when a beginning student unexpectedly survives a dangerous body slam without injury. Crossing FingersA hopeful posture used when uke has been choked unconscious. Gift of InstructionThe act of taking credit whenever a student wins a tournament or performs a technique correctly. Seeing Without SeeingThe dazed look of amazement given to the student who asks a stupid question. Kuchi Waza (mouth technique)Using an hour of class time to answer the stupid question while students sit on their knees in seiza. Mugger's DefenseOffering to lighten the student's wallet to reduce the risk of more...
One day a lady went into a fishing shop to buy her husband a fishing pole for his birthday.
She picked up a really nice looking pole and asked the salesman how much it was. The sales man says, "I am blind but if you give me the pole I can tell how much it is by the weight."
So the lady gives him the pole and he says, "That pole is worth $45." She was amazed at how cheap that was.
So then she picked up another really nice pole, hands it to the man and he says, "This pole is worth $55." she decided that was also really cheap.
And then she picks the nicest looking pole in the place and handed it to the man and he says, "This pole is our best and it is $70." she told him that she would take it.
As she was getting the fishing pole all rung up, she had to fart really really badly. She decided since the man was blind that it really wouldn't matter if she farted in front of him so she just let it more...
Golfer: "Id move heaven and earth to be able to break 100 on this course."Caddy: "Try heaven. Youve already moved most of the earth."