Spot Jokes / Recent Jokes
Bill and Hillary Clinton were sleeping one night at the White House.
Hillary wakes up and starts shaking Bill to wake him up. "Bill, Bill wake up."
Bill stays sleeping. Hillary continues, "Bill, Bill wake up."
Bill finally wakes up and says, "What do you want?"
Hillary responds, "I have to go use the bathroom."
To which Bill says, "Please tell me you didn't wake me up just to tell me you have to go to the bathroom."
Hillary says, "No, I just wanted to tell you to save my spot."
Ralph and Brian decide to go ice fishing.
"This looks like a good spot Brian!" Said Ralph. So they stopped, and put there stuff up.
"THERE ARE NO FISH THERE." Said a voice from up above...he looked up in amazement.
"Well Brian I guess I was wrong. Lets check over there." He silently thanked the man for telling them...he would have wasted all the time!!! But once he reached the next spot the voice said again
"THERE ARE NO FISH THERE."
"Well... lets try over here." They gathered their things and went over to another place.
"THERE ARE NO FISH THERE." Said the voice again. Ralph looked up but saw only what he expected.
"Hmm....ok thanks!" He screamed, and moved on. But again....the voice said
"THERE ARE NO FISH THERE." Ralph wondered for a second. Then he said
"Are you God?" He more...
Being an Evil Overlord seems to be a good career choice. It pays well, there are all sorts of perks and you can set your own hours. However, every Evil Overlord I've read about in books or seen in movies invariably gets overthrown and destroyed in the end. I've noticed that no matter whether they are barbarian lords, deranged wizards, mad scientists or alien invaders, they always seem to make the same basic mistakes every single time. Therefore, if I ever happen to become an Evil Overlord...
1. My legions of terror will have helmets with clear Plexiglas visors, not face-concealing ones.
2. My ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl through.
3. My noble half-brother whose throne I usurped will be killed, not kept anonymously imprisoned in a forgotten cell of my dungeon.
4. Shooting is not too good for my enemies.
5. The artifact which is the source of my power will not be kept on the Mountain of Despair beyond the River of more...
Two blondes rented a boat and fished in a lake every day. One day they caught 30 fish. One blonde said to her friend,
"Mark this spot so that we can come back here again tomorrow."
The next day, when they were driving to rent the boat, the same blonde asked her friend, "Did you mark that spot?"
Her friend replied, "Yeah, I put a big 'X' on the bottom of the boat."
The first one said, "You stupid fool! What if we don't get that same boat today!?!?"
Once upon a time in the kingdom of Heaven, God went missing for seven days. Eventually, Michael the archangel found him. He inquired of God, "Where were you?". God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds; look my child, look what I've just finished making. Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said what is it? God replied, "its another planet, but this time, I' ve decided to put LIFE on it. I've named it earth and there's going to be a balance between evertyhing on it. For example, there's North America and South America. North America is going to be rich and South America is going to be poor, and the narrow bit joining them - that's going to be a hot spot. Now look over here. I've put a continent of white people in the North and another one of black people in the South". And then the archangel said, "and what's that long white line there?" And God said "ahhh that's the land of the long white cloud - more...
How you can spot a Canadian, eh? -Don McGillivray (Ottawa columnist for Southam Newspapers)How do you tell a Canadian from an American? It used to be enough to ask him to say the alphabet. When the Canadian got to the end, he'd say "zed" instead of "zee". But 18 years of Sesame Street have taught a lot of Canadian kids to say "zee," and it's starting to sound as natural as it does south of the 49th parallel. Another test used to be the word "lieutenant". Canadians pronounced it in the British was, "leftenant", while Americans say "lootenant". But American cop shows and army shows and movies have eroded that difference, too. Canadians have been adopting American spelling as well. They used to put a "u" in words like labour. The main organization in the country, the equivalent of the AFL-CIO, is still officially called the Canadian Labour Congress. But news organizations have been wiping out that distinction by more...
An old lady joins a package tour to Europe. Many European restrooms have coin operated stalls. Daiwanlang consider it a virtue to be frugal, and so a group of Daiwan women tourists come up with an idea: by not pulling the door all the way to a lock, then the whole group can all use the same stall one after another on just one coin. To do this, when one woman uses the stall, the next one would spot her right outside. The old lady is the last one in the group to use the stall, and nobody remembers to spot her. Then, a European woman comes in, sees that stall is unlocked and enters. This catches both women by surprise, and the European woman quickly apologizes by saying "I'm sorry." When the old lady is furious when she gets out of the restroom. She says, "You wouldn't believe how rude this white woman was!" "Not only did she open the door on me," "she blamed me for not locking the door!"