Spot Jokes / Recent Jokes
Things you don't want to hear during surgery: Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy. Someone call the janitor - we're going to need a mop"Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness"Spot! Spot! Come back with that! Bad Dog! Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that? Hand me that... uh... that... uh..... thingieOh no! I just lost my Rolex. Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived 500ml of this stuff before? Damn, there go the lights again..."Ya know, there's big money in kidneys. Hell, the guy's got two of' em." Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens! Could you stop that thing from beating; it's throwing my concentration off. What do you mean he wasn't in for a sex change...! Anyone see where I left that scalpel? This patient has already had some kids, am I correct? Nurse, did this patient sign the organ donor card? Don't worry; I think it's sharp enough. What do you mean "You want a divorce"! She's gonna blow! Everyone take more...
Two whales spot Japanese Whaler. First whale: That`s the bastard who killed my folks -- lets drown them! Second Whale: "If they killed your folks let`s do it!" First: "We`ll dive down then surface and blow the ship over with our blow-holes". This they did but the sailors were still alive swimming for it. First: "Darn it! We`ll have to swim up to them with our mouths open and swallow them all down!" Second: "No way! I don`t mind the blow-job but I`m not swallowing the seamen!"
Why did the janitor get fired from his job at the Humane Shelter?
He could not get rid of the Spot!
1. When waiting for a parking spot, stop in the middle of the road,
don't signal, and orient your car diagonally to prevent others
from passing.
2. Always park on the lines, taking up as many spots as possible.
Diagonal parking is preferred.
3. In a crowded parking lot, if you find a spot and have the
opportunity to pull through to an adjacent one, drive up half
way and stop on the line, taking both.
4. As you pull into a spot, if you see that the space ahead of
you is empty and you see another driver signaling to take it,
pull through and take it from him.
5. Always park close enough to the adjacent car so that the other
driver must grease up with Vaseline to squeeze into his/her car.
6. When getting out of your car, hit the adjacent vehicle with your
door really hard.
7. When driving through the parking lot, ignore the painted lanes
and drive diagonally from one end to another at a high rate more...
How do you spot a modern spider? He doesnt have a web he had a website!
Once upon a time in the kingdom of Heaven, God went missing for seven days. Eventually, Michael the archangel found him. He inquired of God, "Where were you?". God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds; look my child, look what Ive just finished making. Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said what is it? God replied, "its another planet, but this time, I ve decided to put LIFE on it. Ive named it earth and theres going to be a balance between evertyhing on it. For example, theres North America and South America. North America is going to be rich and South America is going to be poor, and the narrow bit joining them - thats going to be a hot spot. Now look over here. Ive put a continent of white people in the North and another one of black people in the South". And then the archangel said, "and whats that long white line there?" And God said "ahhh thats the land of the long white cloud - Aotearoa - (New more...
by Every guy in America:1. It is only common courtesy that you should leave the seat on the toilet UP when you are done.2. If you are cooking a special dinner for a man, be sure to includesomething from each of the four major male food groups:*** Meat, Fried, Beer, and Red.***3. Don't make him hold your purse in the mall.4. Despite the overwhelming evidence to the contrary in many of the fine bars and fraternities throughout the country, not all men are cretins deserving your contempt.5. Shopping is not fascinating.6. When he asks for a threesome with you and your best friend, he is only joking.7. Unless the answer is yes.8. In which case, can he videotape it? 9. If you REALLY want a nice guy, stop dating good-looking assholes.10. The man is ALWAYS in charge of poking the campfire with a stick and/or tending the grill.11. Trying to provoke a large, dangerous-looking felon from across the room is not funny.12. Money does not equate love. Not even in Nevada.13. Any attempt by a man to more...