Spread Jokes / Recent Jokes

The September issue of "Playboy" magazine will feature a six-page spread of Paris Hilton look-a-like Natalie Reid.
Following "Playboy's" lead, the September issue of "Architectural Digest" will feature a spread of house look-a-like Ruben Studdard.

John woke up one morning with an enormous erection, so he turned over to his wife's side of the bed. His wife, Heather, had already awakened, though, and was downstairs preparing breakfast in the kitchen. Afraid that he might spoil things by getting up, John wrote a note, called to his little boy, and asked him to bring the note to his wife. It read:
The tent pole is up,
The canvas is spread,
The hell with breakfast,
Come back to bed.
Heather answered the note with one of her own and asked her son to take it to her husband. The note read:
Take the tent pole down,
Put the canvas away,
The monkey had a hemorrhage,
No circus today.
John read the note and scribbled a reply. He asked his son to take it to his wife. The note read:
The tent pole's still up,
And the canvas still spread,
So drop what you're doing,
And come give me some head.
Heather answered the note and asked her son to deliver it to her husband. The more...

A bloke goes into a pub.
The barmaid asks what he wants.
'I want to put my head between your tits, and lick the sweat off,' he replies.
'You dirty bastard!' shouts the barmaid, 'Get out before I get my husband.'
The bloke apologizes and says he will never do it again.
The barmaid, disgusted, accepts his apology and asks what he wants again.
'I want to pull down your knickers, spread cottage cheese between your arse cheeks and lick it off,' he replies.
'What???' screams the barmaid, 'That's it! You're barred, you dirty, filthy, perverted bastard, get out now.'
Once again the bloke apologizes, and says he will never, ever do it again.
'Right. I'll give you one last chance,' says the barmaid. 'Now, what do you want?'
'I want to turn you upside down, fill your pussy with Guinness and drink it all out of you.'
The barmaid starts crying and runs upstairs to her husband, who is sitting down watching the telly.
'What's up, love?' says the more...