Square Jokes / Recent Jokes
The Math Test California officials have determined that students would probably do better with math word problems, if they could relate them to real life examples. Towards that end, may I present: The City of Los Angeles High School Math Proficiency ExamName: _______________________________ Gang: ___________________________ 1. Johnny has an AK-47 with an 80-round clip. If he misses 6 out of 10 shots and shoots 13 times at each drive-by shooting, how many drive-by shootings can he attempt before he has to reload? 2. Jose has 2 ounces of cocaine and he sells an 8-ball to Jackson for $320 and 2 grams to Billy for $85 per gram. What is the street value of the balance of the cocaine if he doesn't cut it? 3. Rufus is pimping for three girls. If the price is $65 for each trick, how many tricks will each girl have to turn so Rufus can pay for his $800-per-day crack habit? 4. Jarome want to cut his 1/2 pound of heroin to make 20% more profit. How many ounces of cut will he need? 5. Willie gets more...
This is the time of year when we think back to the very first
Christmas, when the Three Wise Men; Gaspar, Balthazar and Herb,
went to see the baby Jesus and, according to the Book of Matthew,
"presented unto Him gifts; gold, frankincense, and myrrh."
These are simple words, but if we analyze them carefully, we
discover an important, yet often overlooked, theological fact
there is no mention of wrapping paper.
If there had been wrapping paper, Matthew would have said so "And
lo, the gifts were inside 600 square cubits of paper. And the
paper was festooned with pictures of Frosty the Snowman. And
Joseph was going to throweth it away, but Mary saideth unto him,
she saideth,' Holdeth it! That is nice paper! Saveth it for next
year!' And Joseph did rolleth his eyeballs. And the baby Jesus was
more interested in the paper than the frankincense."
But these words do not appear in the more...
The Math Test California officials have determined that students would probably do better with math word problems, if they could relate them to real life examples. Towards that end, may I present: The City of Los Angeles High School Math Proficiency ExamName:_______________________________ Gang:___________________________ 1.Johnny has an AK-47 with an 80-round clip. If he misses 6 out of 10 shots and shoots 13 times at each drive-by shooting, how many drive-by shootings can he attempt before he has to reload? 2.Jose has 2 ounces of cocaine and he sells an 8-ball to Jackson for $320 and 2 grams to Billy for $85 per gram. What is the street value of the balance of the cocaine if he doesn't cut it? 3.Rufus is pimping for three girls. If the price is $65 for each trick, how many tricks will each girl have to turn so Rufus can pay for his $800-per-day crack habit? 4.Jarome want to cut his 1/2 pound of heroin to make 20% more profit. How many ounces of cut will he need? 5.Willie gets $200 more...
A man, showing off his knowledge to another, asked if he knew what shape the world was.
"I don't know," said the second. "Give me a clue."
"It is the same shape as the buttons on my jacket," said the first.
"Square," said the second.
"That is my Sunday jacket," said the first. "I meant my weekday jacket. Now what shape is the world?"
"Square on Sunday, round on weekdays," said the second man.
10. I could have sworn I put the homework inside a Klein bottle, but this morning I couldn't find it.
9. I took time out to snack a doughnut and a cup of coffee. I spent the rest of the night trying to figure which one to dunk.
8. I couldn't figure out whether i am the square of negative one or i is the square root of negative one.
7. I locked the paper in my trunk but a four-dimensional dog got in and ate it.
6. I have a solar powered calculator and it was cloudy.
5. I was watching the World Series and got tied up trying to prove that it converged.
4. I have the proof, but there isn't room to write it in this margin.
3. I could only get arbitrarily close to my textbook. I couldn't actually reach it.
2. Isaac Newton's birthday.
1. I accidentally divided by zero and my paper burst into flames.