Squat Jokes

Never squat with yer spurs on. There's two theories to arguin' with a woman; neither one works. Don't worry about bitin' off more than you can chew, your mouth is probably a whole lot bigger'n you think. If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around. Never smack a man who's chewin' tobacco. It don't take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep. Never ask a barber if he thinks you need a haircut. Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment. Always drink upstream from the herd. If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there. Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier' n puttin' it back in. Finally, never miss a good chance to shut up.

A Cowboy`s Guide to Life1. Don`t squat with your spurs on.2. Don`t interfere with something that ain`t bothering you none.3. If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop digging.4. Always drink upstream from the herd.5. Telling a man to git and making him do it are two entirely different propositions.6. When you give a personal lesson in meanness to a critter or to a person don`t be surprised if they learn their lesson.7. If you`re riding ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it`s still back there.8. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back in your pocket.9. If you get to thinking you`re a person of some influence, try ordering somebody else`s dog around.10. And never, ever, miss a good opportunity to shut up.

A husband and wife were driving down a country lane on their way to visit some friends. They came to a muddy patch in the road and the car became bogged. After a few minutes of trying to get the car out by themselves, they saw a young farmer coming down the lane, driving some oxen before him.
The farmer stopped when he saw the couple in trouble and offered to pull the car out of the mud for $50. The husband accepted and minutes later the car was free. The farmer turned to the husband and said, “You know, you’re the tenth car I’ve helped out of the mud today. ”
The husband looks around at the fields incredulously and asks the farmer, “When do you have time to plough your land? At night? ”
“No, ” the young farmer replied seriously, “Night is when I put the water in the hole. ”
Once upon a time, there was a little old man that really took care of his body. He lifted weights and jogged 6 miles everyday. One morning he looked in the mirror and was more...