Staff Jokes / Recent Jokes

A big shot attorney had to spend a couple of days in the hospital. He was a royal pain to the nurses because he bossed them around just like he did his staff. None of the hospital staff wanted to have anything to do with him.

The head nurse was the only one who could stand up to him, but finally even she had had enough. She came into his room and announced, "I have to take your temperature."

After complaining for several minutes, he finally settled down, crossed his arms and opened his mouth. "No, I'm sorry, the nurse stated, "but for this reading, I can't use an oral thermometer." This started another round of complaining, but eventually he rolled over and bared his behind. After feeling the nurse insert the thermometer, he heard her announce, "I have to get something. Now you stay JUST LIKE THAT until I get back!"

She leaves the door to his room open on her way out. He curses under his breath as he hears people walking more...

The chief of staff of the US Air Force decided that he would personally intervene in the recuiting crisis affecting all of our armed services. So, he directed that a nearby Air Force base be opened and that all elgible young men and women be invited. As he and his staff were standing near an brand new F-15 Fighter, a pair of twin brothers who looked like they had just stepped off a Marine Corps recruiting poster walked up to them.
The chief of staff walked up to them, stuck out his hand and introduced himself. He looked at the first young man and asked, "Son, what skills can you bring to the Air Force?"
The young man looks at him and says, "I'm a pilot!"
The general gets all excited, turns to his aide and says, "Get him in today, all the paper work done, everything, do it!" The aide hustles the young man off.
The general looks at the second young man and asked,"What skills to you bring to the Air Force?"
The young man says, more...

The hillbilly woman went to the hospital to have her
first child. A year later she was back for a second
child. The next year, almost like clockwork, she was
back for her third child. The hospital staff
naturally began to expect her, and she was there,
just like clockwork.
In the twelfth year - she didn't show, and the staff
wondered what happened...A couple of years later she
shows up, but she's not pregnant. The hospital staff
wondered what happened- did her husband die, or what?
When asked why she hadn't been there having a baby
the past couple of years, she replied "No, no more.
Found out what was causin' it."

Advertising & Creative Thinking
This supposedly was a real event that took place in a consulting firm in Chicago. The boss of a small company called a spontaneous staff meeting in middle of a particularly stressful week. When everyone gathered, the employer, who understood the benefits of having fun, told the burnt-out staff the purpose of the meeting was to have a quick contest, whose theme was "VIAGRA advertising slogans."
Dividing into 10 groups of three, the only rule was they had to use past ad slogans that captured the essence of VIAGRA. About 7 minutes later, they turned in their suggestions, and created a "Top Ten List." After all the laughter and camaraderie, the rest of the week went very well for everyone.
10. VIAGRA, It's "Whaazzzzz Up!"
9. VIAGRA, The quicker pecker upper
8. VIAGRA, Like a rock!
7. VIAGRA, When it absolutely, positively has to be there tonight.
6. VIAGRA, Be all that you can be.
5. VIAGRA, more...

NEWS FLASH - GOD ANNOUNCES THE 11TH COMMANDMENT!
During a recent staff meeting in Heaven, God, Moses, and Saint Peter concluded that the behavior of Ex-President Clinton has brought about the need for an eleventh commandment.
They worked long and hard in a brain-storming session to try to settle on the wording of the new commandment, because they realized that it should have the same style, majesty and dignity as the original ten. They began their brain-storming and came up with the 11th.
After many revisions, they finally agreed that the eleventh commandment should be:
"Thou shalt not comfort thy rod with thy staff."

The chief of staff of the US Air Force decided that he would
personally intervene in the recruiting crisis affecting all of our armed services.
So, he directed that a nearby Air Force base be opened and
that all eligible young men and women be invited. As he and
his staff were standing near an brand new F-15 Fighter, a pair
of twin brothers who looked like they had just stepped off a
Marine Corps recruiting poster walked up to them.
The chief of staff walked up to them, stuck out his hand and
introduced himself. He looked at the first young man and asked,
"Son, what skills can you bring to the Air Force?"
The young man looks at him and says, "I'm a pilot!"
The general gets all excited, turns to his aide and says, "Get him in today, all the paper work done, everything, do it!" The aide hustles the young man off.
The general looks at the second young man and asked,"What
skills to you more...

NEWS FLASH - GOD ANNOUNCES THE 11TH COMMANDMENT! During a recent staff meeting in Heaven, God, Moses, and Saint Peter concluded that the behavior of Ex-President Clinton has brought about the need for an eleventh commandment.They worked long and hard in a brain-storming session to try to settle on the wording of the new commandment, because they realized that it should have the same style, majesty and dignity as the original ten. They began their brain-storming and came up with the 11th.After many revisions, they finally agreed that the eleventh commandment should be:"Thou shalt not comfort thy rod with thy staff."