Stage Jokes / Recent Jokes

It was opening night at the theatre and people came from miles around to see the famed hypnotist do his stuff.
As the hypnotist took to the stage, he announced, "Unlike most stage hypnotists who invite two or three people up onto the stage to be put into a trance, I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience."
The excitement was almost electric as he withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat.
I want you each to keep your eye on this antique watch. It's a very special watch. Its been in my family for six generations.
He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting, "Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch...." The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch, until suddenly it slipped from the hypnotist's fingers and fell to the floor, breaking into a hundred more...

It was opening night at the theatre and people came from miles around to see the the very famous hypnotist do his stuff.
As the hypnotist took to the stage, he announced, "Unlike most stage hypnotists who invite two or three people up onto the stage to be put into a trance, I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience."
The people had heard of the famous magic of the hypnotist, so the excitement was almost electric as he withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat.
"I want you each to keep your eye on this antique watch. It's a very special watch. It's been in my family for six generations."
He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting, "Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch...." The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface.
Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch, until suddenly it slipped from the more...

Q: How do you tell when your lead singer is at the door? A: He can't find the key and doesn't know when to come in.Q: What is the difference between a Wagnerian soprano and an All-Pro offensive lineman? A: Stage makeup.Q: How many lead singers does it take to change a light bulb? A: One. He holds the bulb while the world revolves around him.Q: What is the difference between a soprano and a Porsche? A: Most musicians have never been inside a Porsche.Q: Did you hear about the female opera singer who had quite a range at the lower end of the scale.A: She was known as the deep C diva.Q: What is the missing link between the bass and the ape? A: The baritone.Q: What is the difference between a Wagnerian soprano and a Wagnerian Tenor? A: About 10 pounds.Q: How can you tell when a tenor is really stupid? A: When the other tenors notice.Ever hear the one about the tenor who was so off-key that even the other tenors could tell? Q: How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb? A: Six. One more...

At a concert hall one night, the stage manager comes across an oboe player and a viola player having a fight. He breaks the fight up and asks what the fight was about. The oboe player says, "He broke my reed! I was just about to play my big solo when he broke my reed!""Well?" says the stage manager to the viola player. "What do you say to that?"In umbrage, the viola player replies, "He undid two of my strings but he won't tell me which ones!"

The Five Stages Of DrunkenessStage 1 - CLEVERThis is when you suddenly become an expert on every subject in the known universe. You know you know everything and you want to pass on your knowledge to anyone who will listen. At this stage you are always right. And, of course, the person you are talking to is very wrong. This makes for an interesting argument when both parties are CLEVER. Stage 2 - ATTRACTIVEThis is when you realize that you are the most ATTRACTIVE person in the entire bar and that everyone fancies you. You can go up to a perfect stranger knowing that they fancy you and really want to talk to you. Bear in mind that you are still CLEVER, so you can talk to this person about any subject under the sun. Stage 3 - RICHThis is when you suddenly become the RICHEST person in the room. You can buy drinks for the entire bar because you have a bottomless wallet. You can also make bets at this stage because of course you are still CLEVER so, naturally, you will always win. Anyway, more...

A man is up on stage telling blonde jokes, and the crowd is eating them up. Suddenly a blonde steps up in the back and starts cursing the man because of him telling the derogatory jokes. To stop him, he offers her the deal of her answering 5 multiple-choice questions. If she can answer them correctly, he'll get off the stage and never tell another blonde joke. She agrees and he starts questioning her.
"1) How long was the 100 yr war?
A) 116
B) 99
C) 100
D) 150"
The blonde says "I will skip this"
The man continues, "2) In which country are the Panama hats made?
A) BRASIL
B) CHILE
C) PANAMA
D) EQUADOR"
The blonde asks for help from any university students near her, and then skips the question.
Trying not to laugh, the man continues, "3) In which month do the Russians celebrate the October Revolution?
A) JANUARY
B) SEPTEMBER
C) OCTOBER
D) NOVEMBER"
The blond asks for help from more...

A mathematician, a physicist and an engineer were each given the following problem to solve.A school dance floor included a straight line down the middle dividing the floor in two equal halves. Boys were lined up against one wall and girls against the opposite wall, each facing the centre line. They were instructed to advance in stages towards the centre line every ten seconds, where the distance from the person to the centre line at each stage is equal to one-half the distance at the past stage.i.e.: If the starting distance from the wall to centre line was D, the progressive series of distances at t = 0, 10 seconds, 20 seconds...10n seconds to the centre line is (D, D/2, D/4, D/8,. ....D/2n)The question is, when will they meet at the middle?The mathematician said that they would never meet. The physicist said they would meet when time equals infinity. The engineer said that in one minute they would be close enough for all practical purposes.