Stand Jokes / Recent Jokes

The teacher asked that if anyone thinks they are stupid to stand up. The class is shocked when they see Nick stand up.

The teacher asks Nick "why are you standing up?" Nick replies: "I didn't want you to feel alone"

A Cowboy was going deer hunting.. His blonde wife said she was going with him.. That they never did anything together.. So, they went.. He put her in a stand by herself.. Later in the morning he heard her shoot.. He went over to her stand and she was pointing her rifle at a guy with a cowboy hat on.. The guy was telling her, Ma'mm, you can have the deer you shot.. I just want to take my saddle off of him!

The angry preacher The angry preacher...
The preacher rose with a red face. "Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the K. K. K. This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now I want the party who did this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian family!"
No one moved.
The preacher continued, " Do you not have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood. Remember, you will be forgiven and in our heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression!"
Again all was quiet.
Slowly a "drop dead" gorgeous blonde with a body that would not stop rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke.
"Reverend there has been a terrible misunderstanding. I never said you were a member of the Klu Klux Klan. I told a couple of friends you were a wizard under the more...

a. Head for the largest open expanse of urinal available. If you stand too close to someone, they will think that you are gay. If you stand too far away from someone, they will think that you think that they are gay. b. Three shakes only. Two is unhygienic, four is a wanker. c. If you fart, say "Whooaa, what a ripper!"d. Don't look. Real men never compare sizes. e. Never use the drying machines or the towels. Walking out with wet hands into the bar looks like the condensation off at least six pitchers.

The angry preacher... The preacher rose with a red face. "Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the K. K. K. This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now I want the party who did this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian family!"No one moved. The preacher continued, " Do you not have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood. Remember, you will be forgiven and in our heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression!"Again all was quiet. Slowly a "drop dead" gorgeous blonde with a body that would not stop rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke." Reverend there has been a terrible misunderstanding. I never said you were a member of the Klu Klux Klan. I told a couple of friends you were a wizard under the sheets."

The recreational director of a mental hospital wanted to take a well
behaved group of inmates to a baseball game. The General Manager of
the club was a little leery of this. When the Recreational Director
said: "If I prove to you how well behaved they are, will you let
them in?" The General Director agreed.
The group of inmates came in and sat down. The Recreational Director
shouted: "Stand up, nuts!" Everyone stood up. "Sit down, nuts!"
Everyone sat down. "Look behind you, nuts!" Everyone turned around.
Pleased with that, the General Manager let them in. About the third
inning or so, he heard a tremendous commotion! People were running
helter skelter. He asked what happened and was told that someone had
called out: "Peanuts!"

How did the blonde try to kill the bird... she threw it off of a cliff. How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves... she fell out of the tree. How did the blonde die, drinking milk... the cow stepped on her. How did the blonde burn her nose... bobbing for french fries. Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers every month... the instructions stated, "good for up to 20 pounds". Why do blondes have see-through lunch box tops... so they can tell if they are going to work or going home, while on the bus. Why do men like blonde jokes... it is one thing they can understand. Why do blondes like lightning... they think someone is taking their picture. Why do blondes have little holes all over their faces... from eating with forks. Why do blondes have more fun... they are easier to keep amused. What do you call a brunette with a blonde on both sides... an interpreter. What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer... frosted flakes. What do you call a fly buzzing inside a more...