Stand Jokes / Recent Jokes
My grand-daddy worked in a blacksmith shop when he was a young fella, and he used to tell me, when I was a little nipper, how he had toughened himself up so he could stand the hard work of blacksmithing.One story was how he had developed his arm and shoulder muscles. As he told it, he would stand outside behind the wood shed, with a 5 pound potato sack in each hand, extend his arms straight out from his sides and hold them there as long as he could.After awhile he tried 10 pound potato sacks, then 50 pound potato sacks and finally he got to where he could lift a 100 pound potato sack in each hand and hold his arms straight out for more than two full minutes... Then, he started putting potatoes in the sacks...DOH!
A drill instructor at Airborne school was lecturing a groupof new troops on making a proper jump. He told them:"When I yell Stand Up, you Stand Up. When I yell hook up, you hook up. When you go out the door, yell 'Geronimo!' and wait for your shoot to open. Got It? Good, get in the plane."After a short flight he yelled "Stand UP! Hook UP!" and beganshoving the troops out the door. Just after the last trooperexited, the sergeant shut the door. Suddenly, he heard someoneknocking on the door. He opened it to see a private flapping his arms trying to imitate a seagull. The private looked himin the eye and asked What did you say that SOB's name was?
The teacher asked that if anyone thinks they are stupid to stand up. The class is shocked when they see Nick stand up.
The teacher asks Nick "why are you standing up?" Nick replies: "I didn't want you to feel alone"
It was Saturday morning and Jake, an avid hunter, woke up ready to go bag the first deer of the season. He walks down to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee, and to his surprise he finds his wife, Alice, sitting there, fully dressed in camouflage. Jake asks her, "What are you up to?" Alice smiles, "I'm going hunting with you!" Jake, though he has many reservations, reluctantly decides to take her along. They arrive at the hunting site. Jake sets his wife safely up in the tree stand and tells her: "If you see a deer, take careful aim on it and I'll come running back as soon as I hear the shot." Jake walks away with a smile on his face knowing that Alice couldn't bag an elephant - much less a deer. But not 10 minutes pass when he is startled as he hears an array of gunshots. Quickly, Jake starts running back. As Jake gets closer to her stand, he hears Alice screaming, "Get away from my deer!" Confused, Jake races faster towards his screaming wife. more...
You stand under the mistletoe at Christmas and wait for Granny and cousin Sue-Ellen to walk by.
A Bishop invited his three sons home for a midwinter get-together.
On the cold first morning of their stay, he stood warming himself at a roaring log fire as the first son, a Parson, appeared from bed.
"Good morning father", said he.
"Good morning, son replied the Bishop,'Did you sleep well?".
"Wonderful sleep, I dreamt I was in heaven".
"Great!, Come and stand by the fire" said the Bishop.
"Good morning, son, did you sleep well?."
He asked his second son, also a Parson.
"Marvelous, I dreamt I was an angel!". And he went to stand in front of the fire. The third, a commercial traveller appeared.
"Good morning" said the Bishop, not so eagerly, "How was your night?.
"I dreamt I was in Hell" said he, And it was just like home- you couldn't get near the fire for Parsons".