Star Jokes / Recent Jokes
Porn star Mary Carey unveiled plans on Tuesday to auction off her autographed, recently removed breast implants for charity.
Not to be outdone, former Jag star Catherine Bell plans to auction off her breast implants that will include a complete autobiography.
To get your Star Wars name, do the following:
1) Start with the 1st 3 letters of your last name
2) Add the first two letters of your first name
3) Add the first two letters of your mother's maiden name
4) Add the first two letters of the city in which you were born
5) Then, if you want, you can remove one letter to make it sound cool.
One day, George W. Bush was leaving a very interesting meeting of the United Nations. Once stepping outside, he was met by the Iraqi ambassador, and he started to talk to George.
"You know, George, my children are here on this trip with me to the States, and they have gained interest in your television programs. They have especially like the television show Star Trek, although one thing is bothering them about it...The show shows how the races of the Earth can come together in the starship Enterprise, although, they have never seen an Iraqi citizen aboard the ship, and they were just wondering; Why is that?"
George chuckles a little and gives him a short answer to his question. "Because it takes place in the FUTURE!"
A team of archaeologists was excavating in Israel when they came upon a cave. Written across the wall of the cave were the following symbols, in this order of appearance: A woman, a donkey, a shovel, a fish, and a Star of David. They decided that this was at least three thousand years old. They chopped out the piece of stone and had it brought to the museum where archaeologists from all over the world came to study the ancient symbols. They held a huge meeting after months of conferences to discuss the meaning of the markings. The President of the society stood up and pointed at the first drawing and said: “This looks like a woman. We can judge that this race was family oriented and held women in high esteem. You can also tell they were intelligent, as the next symbol resembles a donkey, so, they were smart enough to have animals help them till the soil. The next drawing looks like a shovel of some sort, which means they even had tools to help them. Even further proof of their high more...
Rush Limbaugh and his chauffeur were out driving in the country and accidentally hit and killed a pig that had wandered out on a country road.Limbaugh told the chauffeur to drive up to the farm and apologize to the farmer. They drove up to the farm, the chauffeur got out and knocked on the front door and was let in. He was in there for what seemed hours. When he came out, Limbaugh was confused about why his employee had been there so long."Well, first the farmer shook my hand, then he offered me a beer, then his wife brought me some cookies, and his daughter showered me with kisses," explained the driver."What did you tell the farmer?" Limbaugh asked.The chauffeur replied, "I told him that I was Rush Limbaugh's driver and I'd just killed the pig.
A woman takes her 16-year-old daughter to the doctor. The doctor says, “Okay, Mrs. Jones, what’s the problem? ”
The mother says, “It’s my daughter, Debbie. She keeps getting these cravings, she’s putting on weight, and is sick most mornings. ”
The doctor gives Debbie a good examination, then turns to the mother and says, “Well, I don’t know how to tell you this, but your Debbie is pregnant - about 4 months, would be my guess. ”
The mother says, “Pregnant?! She can’t be, she has never ever been left alone with a man! Have you, Debbie? ”
Debbie says, “No mother! I’ve never even kissed a man! ”
The doctor walked over to the window and just stares out it. About five minutes pass and finally the mother says,
”Is there something wrong out there doctor? ”
The doctor replies, “No, not really, it’s just that the last time anything like this happened, a star appeared in the east more...
Child film star Dakota Fanning is not as talented as many of her peers, a source close to the 12 year old reports. The source, who wished to remain anonymous, was Shawn Lugoire, Ms. Manning's jilted former movement instructor and currently a circus clown with Ringling Brothers going by the stage name "Blinky."
"One can easily see why someone with Mr. Lugoire's flabby resume and depressing track record would want to poo-poo those who succeed where he has failed," noted a statement from child star advocate Sibley Martin. "But to do so to a little girl is just sick and Mr. Lugoire deserves all the bad press that is coming to him."
Mr. Lugoire responded to the statement by punching a makeup mirror in his trailer and being charged $120 dollars by Wringling Brothers, Inc.
"Mr. Lugoire has, in general, been a wonderful employee," noted a spokesman at Wringling Brothers, "But a few more outbursts like the one we saw more...