Trek Jokes

Life Will Not Be Like Star Trek-----------------------------------------There are so many Star Trek(tm) spin-offs that it is easy to fool yourself into thinking that the Star Trek vision is an accurate vision of the future. Sadly, Star Trek does not take into account the stupidity, selfishness, and horniness of the average human being. Allow me to describe some of the more obvious errors in the Star Trek vision. Medical Technology------------------------On Star Trek, the doctors have handheld devices that instantly close any openings in the skin. Imagine that sort of device in the hands of your unscrupulous friends. They would sneak up behind you and sealyour ass shut as a practical joke. The devices would be sold in novelty stores instead of medical outlets. All things considered, I'm happy that it's not easy to close other people's orifices. Transporter--------------It would be great to be able to beam your molecules across space and then reassemble them. The only problem is that more...

Paramount won’t go with midnight showings when their movie debuts on May 8th. They've decided to start their midnight showings for Star Trek at 7pm instead. The film company stated that this will allow more Trekkies to attend on the first day without being exposed to direct sunlight.

Engineers love all of the "Star Trek" television shows and movies. It's a small wonder, since the engineers on the starship Enterprise are portrayed as heroes, occasionally even having sex with aliens. This is much more glamorous than the real life of an engineer, which consists of hiding from the universe and having sex without the participation of other life forms.

You send weekly love letters to the actress who played the Green Skinned Orion Slave Girl in episode number 7.
You pull the legs off your hamster so you'll have a tribble.
You tried to join the Navy just so you could serve aboard the Enterprise.
Your wife left you because you wanted her to dress like a Klingon and torture you for information.
You went to San Francisco to see if you might bump into Kirk and crew while they were in the 20th Century looking for a whale.
Your college thesis was a Comparison of the Illustrious Careers of T.J. Hooker and Captain Kirk.
You fly into a homicidal rage anytime people say "Star Trek? Isn't that the one with Luke Skywalker?"
You have no life.
You recognize more than 4 references on this list.
and number one sign you've watched too much Star Trek
You join NASA, hijack a shuttle, and head for the coordinates you calculated for the planet Vulcan.

If Dr. Seuss wrote for Star Trek: the Next Generation... By Dave Fuller Picard: Sigma Indri, that's the star, So, Data, please, how far? How far? Data: Our ship can get there very fast But still the trip will last and last We'll have two days til we arrive But can the Indrans there survive? Picard: LaForge, please give us factor nine. LaForge: But, sir, the engines are offline! Picard: Offline! But why? I want to go! Please make it so, please make it so! Riker: But sir, if Geordi says we can't, We can't, we mustn't, and we shan't, The danger here is far too great! Picard: But surely we must not be late! Troi: I'm sensing anger and great ire. Computer: Alert! Alert! The ship's on fire! Picard: The ship's on fire? How could this be? Who lit the fire? Riker: Not me. Worf: Not me. Picard: Computer, how long til we die? Computer: Eight minutes left to say goodbye. Data: May I suggest a course to take? We could, I think, quite safely make Extinguishers from tractor beams And stop the fire, more...