Star Jokes / Recent Jokes
Top Ten Changes to the new Star Wars update
#10 Tie fighters replaced with black UN helicopters lead by Buotros Buotros Vader.
#9 Sand People replaced by Michigan Militia members (and still walk single file to hide their numbers).
#8 Kahn turns out to be Captain Kirk's father (whoops, that's from the Top Ten new Star Trek movie changes).
#7 Chewbacca now giggles when you tickle his tummy.
#6 If you look closely, storm troopers now have Microsoft employee badges.
#5 Original Jawas: Killed by Storm Troopers for having R2 and C3P0. New Jawas: Killed for pitching yet another lame JAVA product "concept".
#4 Obi Wan's name changed to OS/2 Kenobi. Uncle Owen now constantly says "I think he died X years ago" where X changes between 10 years before to 10 years in the future. Storm troopers now don't kill Uncle Owen but instead appoint him head of the Imperial press.
#3 Amiga users upset because the new computers in the Death Star are PC's more...
The coach of an all Redneck football team entered the locker room before a game, looked at his star player and said, "Since you failed math, I'm not supposed to allow you to play, but we really need you in there. So, what I must do is ask you a math question and if you get it right, you can play."
The player agreed. Looking intently into the player's eyes, the coach asked, "Now concentrate... what is two plus two?"
Thinking for a moment, the player answered, "Four?"
Surprised and relieved that he got it right, the coach exclaimed, "Four?!?"
Suddenly, all the other players on the team began screaming, "Aw, c'mon coach, give him another chance!"
Top Ten Changes to the new Star Wars update#10 Tie fighters replaced with black UN helicopters lead by Buotros Buotros Vader.#9 Sand People replaced by Michigan Militia members (and still walk single file to hide their numbers).#8 Kahn turns out to be Captain Kirk's father (whoops, that's from the Top Ten new Star Trek movie changes).#7 Chewbacca now giggles when you tickle his tummy.#6 If you look closely, storm troopers now have Microsoft employee badges.#5 Original Jawas: Killed by Storm Troopers for having R2 and C3P0. New Jawas: Killed for pitching yet another lame JAVA product "concept".#4 Obi Wan's name changed to OS/2 Kenobi. Uncle Owen now constantly says "I think he died X years ago" where X changes between 10 years before to 10 years in the future. Storm troopers now don't kill Uncle Owen but instead appoint him head of the Imperial press.#3 Amiga users upset because the new computers in the Death Star are PC's when they could have been replaced with a more...
Q. What's in the toilet of the star ship enterprise?
A. The captains log.
Dear Star Savior,
Hi. I'm actor Charlie Sheen. In some angry voice mail I sent my ex-wife Denise Richards in 2005, I used the N-word and the C-word. The message was leaked onto the Internet this week, and I'm catching a lot of heat for it. I have apologized for my choice of words, but I'm not sure that was enough. What should I do?
Dear Charlie,
I'm OK with you hitting your ex-wife with the N-word and C-word, but your voice mail is a sign of a problem: Technology is ruining racism and sexism.
It’s sad. There are people who have never used a slur face-to-face, the way the pioneers did it. Back then, showing hate was an event, something to plan a day around. But now, people like you just fire off some e-mail or voice mail, throw in a halfhearted slur or two, then go on with their lives. It's just another task on your to-do list: "Buy Batteries. Lunch Meeting. Hate."
But you can use your celebrity to help turn things around. more...
A former porn star posted hundreds of text messages from Tiger Woods showing his proclivity for aggressive sex. And we thought golfers hated the rough.