Star Jokes / Recent Jokes

* One Star Hangover
No pain. No real feeling of illness. Your sleep last night was a mere disco nap which is giving you a whole lot of misplaced energy. Be glad that you are able to function relatively well. However, you are still parched. You can drink 10 sodas and still feel this way. Even vegetarians are craving a huge steak and a side of gravy fries.
** Two Star Hangover No pain.
Something is definitely amiss. You may look okay but you have the attention span and mental capacity of a staple gun. The coffee/coca-cola you chug to try and remain focused is only exacerbating your rumbling gut, which is craving a Bacon & Egg McMuffin combo (with orange juice!!!).Last night has wreaked havoc on your bowels and even though you have a nice demeanour about the office, you are costing your employer valuable money because all you really can handle is surfing the internet and writing junk e-mails.
*** Three Star Hangover Slight headache.
Stomach feels crappy. You are more...

What position would a horror film star play, in a football team?
Ghoulie.

scientists Decode the First Message From an AlienCivilization... Simply send 6 x 10 to the 50 atoms of Hydrogen to theStar System at the top of the list, cross off that starsystem, then put your Star System at the bottom of thelist and send it to 100 other Star Systems. Withinone-tenth of a Galactic Rotation you will receiveenough hydrogen to power your civilization untilentropy reaches its maximum! IT REALLY WORKS!

15. The "Princess LeiaMe" blow-up doll
14. Chewbacca Chew'n T'bacca, from Skoal
13. Princess Chia
12. Lando Calrissian Cognac - 40 Parsecs of smoooooth
11. R2D2, C3PO & KY4U "Adult Action Figures"
10. Han Solo Cups
9. "Do you know me? Probably not, if I'm out of my Stormtrooper uniform. That's why I carry American Express."
8. McDonald's Ewok Burger Happy Meal
7. Metamucil - "May the Force run through you!"
6. Darth Vader Ginsberg doll - Black robe and goofy glasses sold separately
5. Tampex Tampons, now with starfighter X-wings and lightsabre applicator
4. Volkswagon's "Return of the Jetta"
3. "Ewok On A Stick" toilet brushes
2. Darth Vibrader
and the Number 1 Rejected Star Wars Trilogy Marketing Tie-in...
1. Barbie Wan Kenobie's Malibu Deathstar

Why One Should Never Visit a Five Star Hotel...
Question: What would you like to have... Fruit juice, Soda, Tea, Chocolate, Milo, or Coffee?
Answer: Tea please.
Question: Ceylon tea, Herbal tea, Bush tea, Honey bush tea, Ice tea or green tea?
Answer: Ceylon tea.
Question: How would you like it? Black or white?
Answer: White
Question: Milk, Whitener, or Condensed milk?
Answer: With milk.
Question: Goat milk, Camel milk or cow milk
Answer: With cow milk please.
Question: Milk from Freeze land cow or Afrikaner cow?
Answer: Um, I'll take it black.
Question: Would you like it with sweetener, sugar or honey?
Answer: With sugar.
Question: Beet sugar or cane sugar?
Answer: Cane sugar.
Question: White, brown or yellow sugar?
Answer: Forget about tea just give me a glass of water instead.
Question: Mineral water or still water?
Answer: Mineral water.
Question: Flavored or non-flavored?
Answer: I'll rather more...

Ancient History Explained... A team of archaeologists found a slab of rock with 5 figures carved on it, in order: A Woman, A Donkey, A Shovel, A Fish, A Star of David. After months of study, the leader took the rock and went on a lecture tour. He said the carvings were thousands of years old but even so, they revealed a lot about the people of that time. The woman being placed first in the line of figures showed that women were held in very high esteem - most likely a family oriented culture. They probably used the donkey to till the fields. The shovel shows they were highly intelligent as they knew how to make tools. The fish shows they knew how to augment the crops they raised by also reaping from the sea. The Star of David of course indicates they were a very religious group of people. A little old man in the front row finally got the attention of the speaker. When acknowledged he said, "I'm sorry to blow your conclusions but you were reading it left to right. In Hebrew we more...

Sing the song below to the tune of "Summer Lovin'" from the musical "Grease".
Bill: "Summer intern, had me a blast"
Monica: "White house intern, happened so fast"
Bill: "Met a girl, crazy for me"
Monica: "Met the prez, down on my knees"
Bill: "Summer days, sucking away, oh, i, but those summer nights"
Investigation Committee: "Well, ah.. well, ah.... well, ah. uh Tell us more, tell us more"
Linda Trip: "try to remember your best"
Investigation Committee: "Tell us more, tell us more"
Kenneth Star: "Did he come on your dress?"
Bill: "Wanted to screw her but she had a cramp"
Monica: "The prez is sexy - he makes my panties damp"
Bill: "She gave me head, right in the White House"
Monica: "I said OK, just don't come in my mouth:
Investigation Committee: "Well, ah.. well, more...