Star Jokes / Recent Jokes
Who is in cowboy films and always broke?
Skint Eastwood!
Who is the biggest gangster in the sea?
Al Caprawn!
What do you get if you cross a nun and a chicken?
A pecking order!
Why did the silly kid stand on his head?
His feet were tired!
What does one star say to another star when they meet?
Glad to meteor!
Were you long in the hospital?
No, I was the same size that I am now!
How did the farmer fix his jeans?
With a cabbage patch!
The beggars.
Two beggars are sitting on the pavement in Ireland. One is holding a large Cross and the other a large Star of David. Both are holding hats to collect contributions. As people walk by, they lift their noses at the guy holding the Star of David but drop money in the other guy’s hat. Soon one hat is nearly full whilst the other hat is empty.
A priest watches and then approaches the men. He turns to the guy with the Star of David and says, "Don`t you realize that this is a Christian country? You`ll never get any contributions in this country holding a Star of David."
The guy holding the Star of David then turns to the guy holding the Cross and says, "Hymie, look who`s trying to teach us Marketing."
A blonde, a brunette, a movie star, the pope, and a pilot were on a plane.
The plane was going down fast, and there were only four parachutes for all five of them.
The pilot took one and jumped, then the movie star took one and jumped, and then the blonde took one and jumped.
The pope told the brunette to take the last one.
The brunette said, "There are still 2 parachutes left! The blonde took my backpack!"
Prince Charles admitted to been a Star Trek fan. My thought: Isn't that unusual that a 50 year old man with no job living with his mother is a fan.
Saying "Make it so" in casual conversation. Indignation because the periodic table doesn't include dilithium and tritanium. Ability to use "variable phase inverter" in a sentence without excessive thought first. More than one pair of Spock ears on junk drawer. Have figured out the stardate system. Sudden urge to wear lots of Lycra. Scanning shelves at local liquor store for synthehol. The Star Trek theme becomes background music for your dreams. Major quote sources for thesis are Shakespeare, the Bible, and "The Omega Glory." Memorization of the crew's authorization codes. Forgetting that present-day elevators don't have voice interface. Attending a convention wearing non-Terran vestments. Actual serious thoughts about buying that $300 model of the Enterprise from the Franklin Mint. Understanding Klingon. Lecturing a science professor on how transporters work. Playing fizzbin and understanding it. "The Outrageous Okona" seems like a fine piece more...
Saying "Make it so" in casual conversation.
Indignation because the periodic table doesn't include dilithium and tritanium.
Ability to use "variable phase inverter" in a sentence without excessive thought first.
More than one pair of Spock ears on junk drawer.
Have figured out the stardate system.
Sudden urge to wear lots of Lycra.
Scanning shelves at local liquor store for synthehol.
The Star Trek theme becomes background music for your dreams.
Major quote sources for thesis are Shakespeare, the Bible, and "The Omega Glory."
Memorization of the crew's authorization codes.
Forgetting that present-day elevators don't have voice interface.
Attending a convention wearing non-Terran vestments.
Actual serious thoughts about buying that $300 model of the Enterprise from the Franklin Mint.
Understanding Klingon.
Lecturing a science professor on how transporters work.
Playing fizzbin and understanding more...
Picard: Sigma Indri, that's the star,
So, Data, please, how far? How far? Data: Our ship can get there very fast
But still the trip will last and last
We'll have two days til we arrive
But can the Indrans there survive? Picard: LaForge, please give us factor nine. LaForge: But, sir, the engines are offline! Picard: Offline! But why? I want to go!
Please make it so, please make it so! Riker: But sir, if Geordi says we can't,
We can't, we mustn't, and we shan't,
The danger here is far too great! Picard: But surely we must not be late! Troi: I'm sensing anger and great ire. Computer: Alert! Alert! The ship's on fire! Picard: The ship's on fire? How could this be?
Who lit the fire? Riker: Not me. Worf: Not me. Picard: Computer, how long til we die? Computer: Eight minutes left to say goodbye. Data: May I suggest a course to take?
We could, I think, quite safely make
Extinguishers from tractor beams
And stop the fire, or so it seems... Geordi: more...