Star Jokes / Recent Jokes

Ancient History Explained...A team of archaeologists found a slab of rock with 5 figures carved on it, in order:A Woman, A Donkey, A Shovel, A Fish, A Star of David. After months of study, the leader took the rock and went on a lecture tour. He said the carvings were thousands of years old but even so, they revealed a lot about the people of that time.The woman being placed first in the line of figures showed that women were held in very high esteem - most likely a family oriented culture.They probably used the donkey to till the fields.The shovel shows they were highly intelligent as they knew how to make tools.The fish shows they knew how to augment the crops they raised by also reaping from the sea.The Star of David of course indicates they were a very religious group of people.A little old man in the front row finally got the attention of the speaker.When acknowledged he said, "I'm sorry to blow your conclusions but you were reading it left to right. In Hebrew we read from more...

One Star Hangover (*)
No pain. No real feeling of illness. You're able to function
relatively well. However, you are still parched. You can drink
5 sodas and still feel this way. For some reason, you are
craving a steak & fries.
Two Star Hangover (**)
No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay,
but you have the mental capacity of a staple gun. The coffee
you are chugging is only increasing your rumbling gut, which
is still tossing around the fruity pancake from the 3:00 AM
Waffle House excursion.
Three Star Hangover (***)
Slight headache. Stomach in knots. You are definitely not
productive. Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her perfume
reminds you of the flavored schnapps shots your alcoholic
friends dared you to drink. Life would be better right now
if you were home in your bed watching Lucy reruns. You've had
4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 3 iced teas and a diet
Coke - yet you more...

Q. Why couldn't the Lesbian tennis star compete in the Dutch Open? A. She got her finger caught in a dike!

You send weekly love letters to the actress who played the Green Skinned Orion Slave Girl in episode number 7.
You pull the legs off your hamster so you'll have a tribble.
You tried to join the Navy just so you could serve aboard the Enterprise.
Your wife left you because you wanted her to dress like a Klingon and torture you for information.
You went to San Francisco to see if you might bump into Kirk and crew while they were in the 20th Century looking for a whale.
Your college thesis was a Comparison of the Illustrious Careers of T.J. Hooker and Captain Kirk.
You fly into a homicidal rage anytime people say "Star Trek? Isn't that the one with Luke Skywalker?"
You have no life.
You recognize more than 4 references on this list.
and number one sign you've watched too much Star Trek
You join NASA, hijack a shuttle, and head for the coordinates you calculated for the planet Vulcan.

A penny will hide the biggest star in the universe if you hold it close enough to your eye.

Why is Dick Clark a favourite star with horses? Because he was a disk jockey from Filly!

A team of archaeologists was excavating in Israel when they came upon a cave. Written on the wall of the cave were the following symbols in order of appearance: A dog, a donkey, a shovel, a fish, a Star of David. They decided that this was a unique find and the writings were at least more than three thousand years old. They chopped out the piece of stone and had it brought to the museum where archaeologists from all over the world came to study the ancient symbols. They held a huge meeting after months of conferences to discuss what they could agree was the meaning of the markings. The President of their Society stood up and pointed at the first drawing and said, "This looks like a dog. We can judge that this was a highly intelligent race as they knew how to have animals for companionship. To prove this statement you can see that the next symbol resembles a donkey, so, they were even smart enough to have animals help them till the soil. The next drawing looks like a shovel of more...