Star Jokes / Recent Jokes

Titanic is big, but it doesn't have hyperdrive.
Ewoks throw better parties than either first class or steerage.
Yoda could use the Force to lift Titanic out of the water.
Sure, Leo can dance, but can he fly an X-wing?
Han is frozen in carbonite and turned into a wall ornament. Leo simply freezes.
Leia is a princess, a senator, a freedom fighter, and Jedi material; Rose is simply marriage bait.
Rose braves icy water to rescue her man. Leia braves Jabba the Hut.
We know Cal is the bad guy because he sneers at the poor and treats his fianc

2005 Ryan Seacrest gets star on Hollywood Walk of Fame
2006 Bruce Willis gets star on the sidewalk formerly known as the Hollywood Walk of Fame.

An Englishman goes to Australia with his wife, they stay in a 5 star
hotel and hire a limo for the day. While driving along the road, his
wife asks, "Look! What is that man doing with that Kangaroo?"
The man says, "My God! Don't look, it's disgusting."
Further down the road the wife says, "Look, another one!" and
husband says,
"Disgusting! I shall report this when we get back to the hotel."
They arrive back at the hotel only to find a man with one wooden leg
having a wank on the steps of the hotel. The husband charges in and
says, "Look we come here in good faith, to stay in your 5 star hotel
and what happens? We are driving down the road and we come across a
drover in copulation with a kangaroo. Further on, recurrence of the
same thing. Then we get back here only to find a man with one leg,
ONE WOODEN LEG, masturbating on your steps. Well, what do you have
to say about more...

Cunning Chinese scientists invented fireworks centuries before Francis Scott Key wrote the Star Spangled Banner. Their favorite little sparkler was a plunder-triggered land mine known as

"Underground Sky-Soaring Thunder." Anyone that plucked up the plunder got triggered sky high on a wave of thunder. Floating marine mines were invented by the Chinese in the 14th century, using inflated ox bladders. In this century they have cunningly invented marine "Smart" Mines too, mines smart enough to border on the brilliant.

Actually, they extend a little beyond the border. Chinese Smart Mines can tell the difference between Carriers and Love Boats. They can even spot the X in the plosion where the damage would be the most exasperating. That's pretty sophisticated for a government that pays people to cut grass with stainless steel scissors.

Smart Mines are dangerous even if they don't get loose into the open sea. Recent history tells us that more...

Elizabeth Banks, who plays an adult film star in "Zack and Miri Make a Porno" will portray Laura Bush in Oliver Stone's upcoming film about the President entitled "W". The big difference... this money shot will instead be called a "bailout".

THE STAR SPANGLED BANNER FROM THE PERCUSSIONIST'S PERSPECTIVE
Oh, say can you BOOM, CRASH
By the dawn's early BOOM, CRASH
What so proudly we BOOM, CRASH
At the twilight's last gleaming?
Whose broad stripes and bright BOOM, CRASH
Through the perilous BOOM, CRASH
O'er the ramparts we BOOM, CRASH
Were so gallantly streaming? 3 &
1... 2... 3...
2... 2... 3...
3... 2... 3...
4... 2... 3...
5... 2... 3...
6... 2... 3...
7... 2... 3...
8... 2... Oh,
BOOM BOOM BOOM
BOOM BOOM BOOM
BOOM BOOM BOOM
BOOM BOOOOOMMMM; BOOM
BOOM BOOM BOOM
BOOM BOOOOOMMMM; BOOM
BOOM BOOM BOOM
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

A man in a state of excessive inebriation rolled up at a fairground rifle range booth and threw down the necessary money. The booth operator at first refused to let him have a turn, considering that his inebriated state would endanger the public. But the drunk insisted and was given a gun.
He aimed unsteadily in the general direction of the target and after tying to focus, pulled the trigger three times. The booth owner, on inspecting the target, was astonished to see that he had scored three bullseyes. The star prize for the evening was a large set of glassware, but the showman was certain that the drunk wasn't aware of what he had done, and gave him instead a consolation prize, a turtle. The drunk wandered off into the crowd.
An hour or so later he came back, even more drunk than before. Once again the showman demurred, but once again the drunk insisted, and once more scored three bullseyes and was given another turtle.
Eventually the drunk rolled up again and more...