Starr Jokes

ZipperGate Update...In a deal engineered by veteran mouthpieces Stein and Cacheris, Ms.Lewinsky has apparently headed off possible perjury charges by offering afull throated confession to Kenneth Starr. Sources close to theinvestigation report Starr is pumping Ms. Lewinsky for details concerningan oral pact with Mr. Clinton to withhold evidence. Although theindependent prosecutor's team will drill Monica prior to her testimony, beltway observers do not anticipate a full dress rehearsal.

I am Starr. Starr I are.
I'm a brilliant barri-star.
I'm here to ask, as you'll soon see,
Did you grope Miss Lew-in-sky?
Did you grope her in your house?
Did you grope beneath her blouse?
Did she give you gifts and ties?
Were you spied by prying eyes?
I did not do that here or there!
I did not do that anywhere!
I did not do that in a chair!
I went not near her giant hair!
I did not join... even for fun,
The Mile High Club in Air Force One,
So stow your feathers and your tar,
I did not do her Starr you are!
Did you smile?
Did you flirt?
Did you peek beneath her skirt?
And did you tell the girl to lie,
When called upon to testify?
That is it; you've gone too far!
I do not like you, Starr you are!
I will not answer any more!
In fact, I think I'll start a war!
The public's easy to distract,
When bombs are falling on Iraq!

You are working on your family genealogy and for sake of example, let`s say that your great-great uncle, Remus Starr, a fellow lacking in character, was hanged for horse stealing and train robbery in Montana in 1889.

A cousin has supplied you with the only known photograph of Remus, showing him standing on the gallows. On the back of the picture are the words:

"Remus Starr: Horse thief, sent to Montana Territorial Prison, 1885. Escaped 1887, robbed the Montana Flyer six times. Caught by Pinkerton detectives, convicted and hanged, 1889."

Pretty grim situation, right? But let`s revise things a bit. We simply crop the picture, scan in an enlarged image and edit it with image processing software so that all that is seen is a head shot.

Next, we rewrite the text:

"Remus Starr was a famous cowboy in the Montana Territory. His business empire grew to include acquisition of valuable equestrian assets and intimate dealings more...

Read this as if it were a Dr. Seuss story. Enjoy!!
I am Starr.
Starr I are.
I'm a brilliant barri-star.
I'm here to ask, as you'll soon see, Did you grope Miss Lew-in-ski?
Did you grope her in your house?
Did you grope beneath her blouse?
Did she give you gifts and ties?
Were you spied by prying eyes?
I did not do that here or there!
I did not do that anywhere!
I did not do that in a chair!
I went not near her giant hair!
I did not join-even for fun,
The Mile High Club in Air Force One.
So stow your feathers and your tar.
I did not do her, Starr you are!
Did you smile?
Did you flirt?
Did you peek beneath her skirt?
And did you tell the girl to lie, When called upon to testify?
That is it; you've gone too far!
I do not like you, Starr you are!
I will not answer any more!
In fact, I think I'll start a war!
The public's easy to distract,
When bombs are falling in Iraq!

Questions Ken Starr Has for the President
"Let's speed this up-who *haven't* you nailed?"
"Aha! So you admit you've had sex!!! What's it like?
Is it fun?"
"Can I have some of those fries?"
"Do you admit my getting Dan Rather to talk about your semen was pretty
cool?"
"Would you *please* stop winking at the court reporter?!"
"Mr. President, how does it feel to be on the receiving
end of a probe for a change?"
"Okay, exhibit 25-A is yet *ANOTHER* ink blot. Now, does
THIS one remind you of anything besides a breast?"
"Is it just my imagination, or are all of the women you
know butt-ugly?"
"Are you now, or have you ever been, in a non-erect state?"
"Mr. President, did you bring any pants with you?"