Starr Jokes / Recent Jokes

You are working on your family genealogy and for sake of example, let`s say that your great-great uncle, Remus Starr, a fellow lacking in character, was hanged for horse stealing and train robbery in Montana in 1889.

A cousin has supplied you with the only known photograph of Remus, showing him standing on the gallows. On the back of the picture are the words:

"Remus Starr: Horse thief, sent to Montana Territorial Prison, 1885. Escaped 1887, robbed the Montana Flyer six times. Caught by Pinkerton detectives, convicted and hanged, 1889."

Pretty grim situation, right? But let`s revise things a bit. We simply crop the picture, scan in an enlarged image and edit it with image processing software so that all that is seen is a head shot.

Next, we rewrite the text:

"Remus Starr was a famous cowboy in the Montana Territory. His business empire grew to include acquisition of valuable equestrian assets and intimate dealings more...

It seems that Ken Starr is dropping all sexual allegations against President Clinton. It all stems from the Paula Jones case. The spokesperson remarked that it would be impossible for a woman witha six inch nose to give a blow job to a person with a three inch dick.

THE TRAGIC COMEDIE OF KING LEER

Scene 1. A forest glen. Enter Witch Tripp and Kenneth of Starr.

Witch Tripp:
Double, double, Webster Hubbell,
I think I got the Creep in trouble.
Eye of Newt, strap of bra,
Could it be he broke some law?
Praise this broth utmost ephemeral,
Heavens! I left out my Essence of Emeril!

Hark! Who trespasses so near?

Kenneth of Starr:' Tis I, the Inquisitor. What news?

Witch Tripp: Things proceed with quickening speed, m'lord. The maiden
Lewinsky, so deeply embroil'd, is now join'd by the Lady Willey in like
pursuit. Daily tightens the noose around the king.

Starr: Would that it were so, but he hath good counsel, and more moves
than a chess board. His public, well pleas'd with good news of the
economie, doth o'erlook much.

Witch Tripp: How may I serve you next?

Starr: I have need of acts damnable and facts verifiable. Else more...

Jay Lenno on the Impact of Kenneth Starr's Report. 9/11/98

As a direct result of the release of Judge Kenneth Starr's Report to the congress on the internet:

Meet The Press will not be hosted by Tim Russert this week. The new host: Dr. Ruth.

The Big Story: George Burns no longer can claim the world's most famous cigar.

According to Monica, Bill took phone calls while she was giving him Oral Sex. Wouldn't it be too perfect if one of those calls was from AT&T asking if he was satisfied with the service he was getting?

The President's Lawyer went on TV and said' this is just an accusation, not proof.' Hey Lumpy! 36 boxes of evidence will stack up to substantially taller than you, your boss and your secretaries standing on each others shoulders! With that mountain of evidence against you: IT'S OVER!!!!!.

Even OJ was heard to say:' Give It Up!!!'

Clinton wasn't going to apologize to his cabinet until Janet Reno more...

In a deal engineered by veteran mouthpieces Stein and Cacheris, Ms.
Lewinsky has apparently headed off possible perjury charges by offering a
full throated confession to Kenneth Starr. Sources close to the
investigation report Starr is pumping Ms. Lewinsky for details concerning
an oral pact with Mr. Clinton to withhold evidence. Although the
independent prosecutor's team will drill Monica prior to her testimony,
beltway observers do not anticipate a full dress rehearsal.

What does Bill Clinton, Ken Starr, and Monica Lewinsky have in
common?
They blow.
Clinton blows the sax, Starr blows the whistle, and
Monica blows the skin flute.

If Kenneth Starr can extend his probe, what is wrong with Clinton
doing the same?