Station Jokes / Recent Jokes

Yo Mama is like a gas station... you gotta pay before you pump!

A man drives to a gas station and has his tank filled up. The gas-pumper spots two penguins sitting in the back seat of the car.
He asks the driver, "What's up with the penguins in the back seat?"
The man in the car says "I found them. I asked myself what to do with them but, I haven't had a clue."
The clerk ponders a bit then says, "You should take them to the zoo."
"Hey, that's a good idea," says the man in the car and drives away.
The next day the man with the car is back at the same gas station. The clerk sees the penguins are still in the back seat of the car.
"Hey, they're still here! I thought you were going to take them to the zoo."
"Oh, I did," says the driver, "And we had a swell time. Today I am taking them to the beach."

It seems that a young man volunteered for military service during World War II. He had such a high aptitude for aviation that he was sent right to Naval Air Station skipping recruit training.
The very first day at Air station he solos and is the best flier on the base. All they could do was give him his gold wings and assign him immediately to an aircraft carrier in the Pacific.
On his first day aboard, he took off and single-handedly shot down 6 Japanese Zeroes. Then climbing up to 20,000 ft., he found 9 more Japanese planes and shot them all down as well.
Noting that his fuel was getting low, he descended, circled the carrier and came in for a perfect landing on the deck.
He threw back the canopy, climbed out and jogged over to the captain. Saluting smartly he said, "Well sir, how did I do on my very first day?"
The captain turned around, bowed politely, and replied, "You make one velly, velly selious mistake!"

Three lawyers and three engineers are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three lawyers each buy tickets and watch as the three engineers buy only a single ticket.
"How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asked one of the three lawyers.
"Watch and you'll see," answers one of the engineers.
They all board the train. The lawyers take their respective seats but all three engineers cram into a restroom and close the door behind them. Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, "Ticket, please" The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on. The lawyers saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea.
So after the conference, the lawyers decide to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some money. When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket more...

INTELLIGENCE IS A BYPRODUCT OF EVOLUTION
Three Apple engineers and three Microsoft employees are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three Microsoft employees each buy tickets and watch as the three Apple engineers buy only a single ticket.
"How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asks a Microsoft employee.
"Watch and you'll see," answers the Apple engineer.
They all board the train. The Microsoft employees take their respective seats but all three Apple engineers cram into a restroom and close the door behind them.
Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, "Ticket, please."
The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.
The Microsoft employees saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea.
So after the conference, the Microsoft employees more...

Jimmy was a very smart boy, and he enjoyed church very much, but when
the choir began singing "Gladly the Cross I'd Bear," he didn't
concentrate on singing the song as he should have; instead, he wondered
why Gladly didn't go to an ophthalmologist and why they were singing a
song in church about a woodland animal with an eye problem anyway. (By
Timothy House)
"Mike, I've got a strange tale. Heard it from a Klingon last night, and
I thought the folks might appreciate it."
"It has to do with those two famous characters, Anakin and Luke
Skywalker. The tale concerns that time when Anakin was going by the name
of Vader, specifically the light saber battle they fought in the cloud
city. The depiction of that fight in the Lucas film was fairly accurate,
but it left out a few details."
"It seems that, during the course of the fracas, more words were
exchanged while the two of them were more...

The New York "Best Mix" radio station has a bunch of summertime gimmicks
that attempt to boost listenership. One of them is "Ticket Tuesday," where
listeners send in postcards with the tickets they want, and "Mix 105 takes
care of the rest."
The idea is that you select the concert or play or whatever you want to see,
rather than waiting for, say, Metropolitan Opera tickets to be given away
to the tenth caller. Hmmm, right.
Unfortunately for the radio station, one metro-area listener took the
instructions a bit too literally, and when her card was pulled, the promo
department was forced to "take care of" her seven Manhattan parking tickets.