Statue Jokes

Two elderly women are walking through a museum and get separated.
As soon as they meet up with each other again, one of them appears quite flustered and says, "Goodness, gracious! Did you see the statue of the naked man back there? I've never been so shocked. How can they possibly display such a thing. My gosh, the penis on it was so large!"
Whereupon, the other old lady accidentally blurts out, "Yes, and cold, too!"

A tourist, visiting a small town in Israel, came upon a statue dedicated to "The Unknown Soldier". At the base of the statue, a sign was displayed: "Here lies Seymour Ruthenberg".The tourist inquired of one of the locals how was it possible an unknown had a name.The resident replied, "As a soldier, that Seymour was pretty much unknown, but as an accountant-Oy! He was something."

An Italian man immigrates to America. He starts sweeping floors in a pizzeria, and after 15 years works his way up to owning a small chain of pizzerias.

He decides to have his own house designed and built for him. And it is going to have everything!

One day he is talking to the contractor and said, "Makea you sure you puta plenty da halo statues inna da house. I wanna hava lotsa da halo statues. One inna every room, even da bathroom."The contractor, realizing his client must be a very religious person, carefully plans a niche in every room, and personally searches for the perfect statue for each niche.

Finally, the house is finished. The Italian man walks through his new home for the first time. The contractor points out all the features, and finally the Italian man said, "But wherea are alluh my halo statues? I wanna lotsa halo statues!"

And the contractor points to the niches and said, "I put a statue in every more...

Citizens will now vote on whether the statue should be the young cool Fonz who barely had a speaking role or the old fat Fonz who jumped over a shark in his leather jacket.

One morning 2 priests head to the showers and it isn't until they are
already in the shower they both realize they did not bring any soap.
Father Jack decides he'll run back for the soap, he checks out the
hallway, no one around so rather than get dressed he decides to make a
run for it. He checks the hall before heading back to the showers,
all clear, so he makes a break for it, just as he turns the corner to
the showers he spots three nuns walking towards him. With no where to
go he stands perfectly still, holding the 2 bars of soap hoping the
nuns will think he's a statue.
The nuns approach, "oh my look at that, isn't that the most life like
statue you've ever seen?" the first asks. She steps up for a closer
look, reaches out and gives a couple of tugs on the priest's dick.
Startled he drops the 1st bar of soap. "oh heaven's" she exclaims
"I got a bar of soap".
The 2nd nun amazed at more...