Statue Jokes / Recent Jokes
There are two statues standing in the woods. They have been there standing on their pedastals for 500 years. A girl statue and a boy statue.Finally one day the Good Fairy came down. You have been here for five centuries, naked just looking at one another. Now, the Good Fairy said to the statues, you have five full seconds to jump down off your pedastals and run out there in the bushes and do whatever it is that you would like to do.The girl statue and the boy statue jumped down, ran into the bushes, came back out brushing the leaves out of their hair and jumped back upon their pedastals.The Good Fairy said, "you used three seconds, you have two more seconds to finish what you were doing."The boy statue looked at the girl statue and said, "this time you hold the pigeon and I'll poop on it's head!"
A French woman took her little daughter to the Louvre where they saw a statue of a nude male. "What is that?" asked the child pointing to the penis.
"Nothing, nothing at all, Cherie," replied the mother.
"I want one," said the child. The mother tried to focus her daughter's attention on a more suitable subject, but the little girl persisted. "I want one just like that," she kept repeating.
At last the mother said, "If you are a good girl and stop thinking about it now, when you grow up, you will have one."
"And if I'm bad?" asked the little one.
"Then," answered the mother, "You will have many."
There are two statues standing in the woods. They have been there standing on their pedastals for 500 years. A girl statue and a boy statue. Finally one day the Good Fairy came down. You have been here for five centuries, naked just looking at one another. Now, the Good Fairy said to the statues, you have five full seconds to jump down off your pedastals and run out there in the bushes and do whatever it is that you would like to do. The girl statue and the boy statue jumped down, ran into the bushes, came back out brushing the leaves out of their hair and jumped back upon their pedastals. The Good Fairy said, "you used three seconds, you have two more seconds to finish what you were doing." The boy statue looked at the girl statue and said, "this time you hold the pigeon and I'll poop on it's head!"
Teacher: Why does the statue of liberty stand in New York harbor?Pupil: Because it can't sit down!
The other day Prem was having his usual morning walk along the Galle Face green. When he is walking
near the old parliamentary bulding he heard a voice,
"Oh.. i, Premadasa, come here man"
Bit surprized, and at the same time a bit angry he looked around to see who this guy dared to address
the Prime Minister (he was the PM then) by name. Only JR and Hemavo did call him by name. He saw
nobody, because it's still very early in the morning and Galle Face green is almost empty of people. So,
he started his walk again and only after few steps he heard the same voice, loder this time,
"Oh.. i, Premadasa, don't you hear me. Come here man."
Puzzled, he looked around and stood agaped when he saw that it was the statue of D. S. calling him.
"Premadasa, you should bring me a horse tomorrow, it's a long time since I had a horse ride."
"Eh. Yeh.. Yes, sir. Eh. I d.. d.. definitely will." stammered Prem and was more...
A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the
front door. "Hurry!" she said, "stand in the corner." She quickly rubbed
baby oil all over him and then she dusted him with talcum powder. "Don't
move until I tell you to," she whispered. "Just pretend you're a statue."
"What's this, honey?" the husband inquired as he entered the room.
"Oh, it's just a statue," she replied nonchalantly. "The Smiths bought one
for their bedroom. I liked it so much, I got one for us too." No more was
said about the statue, not even later that night when they went to sleep.
Around two in the morning the husband got out of bed, went to the kitchen
and returned a while later with a sandwich and a glass of milk.
"Here," he said to the' statue', "eat something. I stood like an idiot at
the Smiths' for three days and nobody more...
One morning two priests head to the showers. It isn't until they were already in the shower, that they realized they did not bring any soap. Father Bob decides he'll run back for the soap.
Rather than get dressed, he peeks out into the hallway, and since no one is around, he decides to make a run for it. He gets the two bars of soap and checks the hall before heading back to the showers. All was clear, so he makes a break for it. Just as he turns the corner to the showers, he spots three nuns walking towards him. With nowhere to go, and hoping that the nuns will think he is a statue, he stands perfectly still, holding the two bars of soap.
The nuns approach and the first nun says, "Oh my, look at that! Isn't that the most lifelike statue you've ever seen?"
She steps up for a closer look, reaches out and gives a couple of tugs on the priest's weenie. Startled, he drops the first bar of soap.
"Oh Heavens," she exclaims, "I got a bar of more...