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In the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy.
Do something she likes, and you get points.
Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted.
You don't get any points for doing something she expects.
Sorry, that's the way the game is played.
Here is a guide to the points system:
SIMPLE DUTIES
* You make the bed. ...................+1
* You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows.... 0
* You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets...................-1
* You leave the toilet seat up.............-5
* You replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty............ 0
* When the toilet paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex...-1
* When the Kleenex runs out you use the next bathroom...........-2
* You go out to buy her extra-light panty liners with wings.....+5
* in the snow...............+8
* but return with beer..........-5
* and no more...

DEMERIT POINT SYSTEM USED BY WOMEN(The code is finally broken - the demerit system is no longer a mystery!) For all you guys out there who just can't figure it out, here it is: In the world of romance and relationship responsibilities, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy. Do something she likes & you get points. Do something she dislikes & points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects... Sorry, but that's the way the game is played. Here is a guide to the point system. SIMPLE DUTIES You make the bed.................................................. 1 You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows......... 0 You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets....................... - 1 You leave the toilet seat up...................................... - 5 You replace the toilet-paper roll when it's empty.................. 0 When the toilet-paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex....... - 1 When the Kleenex runs out you shuffle slowly more...

Santa was delivering gifts as usual, when at one house a beautiful young woman was awaiting his arrival. She begged him to stay and cuddle with her on the couch. Santa declined, saying "Ho -ho, gotta go. Gotta deliver these presents, you know." Trying again, the lovely young thing removed her clothing down to her underwear. "OH Santa, won`t you please stay?" she queried. Taking a long look, Santa sighed and said "Ho- ho, gotta go. Gotta deliver these presents you know." Not to be denied, this gorgeous female stripped off every stitch of remaining clothing, smiled and said invitingly "Oh, Santa, please reconsider? Stay with me?" With a pained look on his face, Santa groaned and said "Ho - ho, gotta go. Gotta deliver these presents you know." And with that, he turned and left. Several minutes passed, and Santa re-appeared, plopping himself down on the couch next to the beautiful woman. "Santa---you decided to stay??" she asked. more...

Santa was traveling in a crowded bus. He was carrying the Passport size photograph of his son (for college admission).

Accidentally, the photograph fell down from his pocket. He started searching for it frantically & found the same on the floor of the bus. Politely, he asked the saree clad female, standing in front of him, “Can you lift that saree? I wanna take a photograph. ” The rest is history. He was beaten so badly that he had to be admitted in a hospital.

He was surprised to see Banta on the bed next to him, in a still worse condition. Banta started to explain his “Adventure”. He had gone to a remote village on some work & couldn’t finish the work on time. He had missed the last bus from that place. He couldn’t find any Hotel. So he approached a nearby house and asked the owner whether he could stay there for the night. The Owner replied” I have 2 grown up daughters. Sorry, I can’t allow you to stay”. He approached the next house and asked more...

Plan ahead... It wasn't raining when Noah built the ark. Stay fit. When you're 600 years old, someone might ask you to do something REALLY big. Don't listen to critics - do what must be done. Build on high ground. For safety's sake, travel in pairs. Two heads are better than one. Speed isn't always an advantage. The cheetahs were on board... but then so were the turtles. Take care of your animals as if they were the last ones on earth. Don't forget that we're all in the same boat. When things get really deep, don't sit there and complain--shovel! Stay below deck during the storm. The ark was built by amateurs and the Titanic was built by professionals. If you have to start over, have a friend by your side. Remember that the woodpeckers inside are often a bigger threat than the storm outside. Don't miss the boat. Repeat... Do NOT miss the boat... No matter how bleak it looks, there's always a rainbow on the horizon.

Follow your dream! Unless it's the one where you're at work in your underwear during a fire drill.Always take time to stop and smell the roses and sooner or later, you'll inhale a bee.Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either, just leave me alone.If you don't like my driving, don't call anyone. Just take another road. That's why the highway department made so many of them.If a motorist cuts you off, just turn the other cheek. Nothing gets the message across like a good mooning.When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.It's always darkest before the dawn. So if you're going to steal the neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.A handy telephone tip: Keep a small chalkboard near the phone. That way, when a salesman calls, you can hold the receiver up to it and run your fingernails across it until he hangs up.Each day I try to enjoy more...

A young couple have just got married and are wandering through the countryside
looking for somewhere to stay. They come to a farm and knock on the door.
The farmer answers the door and they explain how they have just got married,
and don't have a lot of money but would like somewhere to stay for a few days.
The farmer being a kind hearted soul offers them the hay loft in his barn,
where they retire to immediately. A few days go by and there is no sign of
the young couple emerging from the barn. After a week, the farmer becomes a
bit concerned, so he goes out to the barn and shouts up, "Are you all right
in there?"
"Yes thank you," comes the reply.
"Aren't you getting hungry?" asked the farmer, "You haven't been out for a
week."
"It's all right," comes
the reply, "we're living off the fruits of love."
"Well," said the farmer,
"I do wish you'd stop more...