Steward Jokes / Recent Jokes

A hurricane blew across the Caribbean. It didn't take long for the expensive yacht to be swamped by high waves, sinking without a trace. There were only two survivors: the boat's owner, Dr. Jones and the steward, Jack who managed to swim to the closest island.
After reaching the deserted strip of land, the steward was crying and very upset that they would never be found. Dr. Jones on the other hand was quite calm, relaxing against a tree.
"Dr. Jones, Dr. Jones, how can you be so calm?" cried Jack. "We're going to die on this lonely island. We'll never be discovered here."
"Sit down and listen to what I have to say, Jack." began the confident Dr. Jones.
"Five years ago, I gave the United Way $500,000 and another $500,000 to my church. I donated the same amounts four years ago. And, three years ago, I did very well in the stock market, so I contributed $750,000 to each. Last year, business was good, so the two charities each got a more...

On his first date with a beautiful woman, Joe decided to impress her with his knowledge of wine. He told the wine steward to bring a bottle of 1985 Sterling Chabernet Sauvignon from the Carneros District.
Upon tasting the wine, Joe berated the steward, "No, no, this is a 1987 Vintage from the North Coast Vineyards near Calistoga. Please bring me what I ordered."
The second bottle of wine was poured, and once again Joe was annoyed, "No, no, this is 1985 all right, but it's from the Mount Helena vineyards!"
Watching the drama from the bar, an old drunk came up to the table and said, "Wow, that's an impressive ability. Can you tell me what's in my glass?"
Not wanting to pass up an opportunity to impress his date, Joe sipped at the drunk's glass.
"Christ, this tastes like piss!" he exclaimed and spat the mouthful out.
"That's exactly right," said the drunk. "Now tell me when and where I was born."

One summer, an old professor got a job on the railway as a steward. On his first day, he was accompanied by another steward to learn the ropes. "The job is really quite simple," said his tutor, "just remember to use diplomacy."
"What to you mean by diplomacy?" asked the professor, since that was something he'd never needed while teaching.
The steward-in-charge replied, "Watch me and I'll show you."
They proceeded down the train corridor, rattling compartment doors, opening them with their keys and offering tea or coffee. When the steward-in-charge flung open one door, before him stood a buck-naked woman. Without batting an eyelid, he calmly asked, "Tea or coffee, sir?"
The startled woman took a cup of coffee and he closed the door.
"Wow, did you see that cutie?" said the old professor excitedly. "She didn't have a stitch of clothing on! But, why did you call her 'sir'?"
"That's more...

A blonde buys a plane ticket to Miami. (It’s a coach Ticket). When she gets on the plane she sits in first class.
The steward who checks tickets says, “I’m so sorry, this is a coach ticket and your sitting in 1st class. ”
“I can do What-eva I want, I’m a blonde. ” Well I’ll get the pilot.
The pilot comes and whispers in the blondes ear and she leaves. The steward looks amazed and says, ” What did you say? ”
The pilot simply says, ” I told her 1st class wasn’t going to Miami, just coach was!!! ”

A burly good' ol boy Texan on a flight flags down a steward and says, "Captain, I want a drink but I don't see the stewardess around".
The steward answers, "Actually I'm not the captain. This airline is proud to have integrated many of the traditional male-female roles of the industry. I'd be happy to get you a drink".
Passenger: "Wow, what does the captain think of that?"
Steward: "She's all for it, in fact, the entire flight crew is female."
Passenger: "I don't believe it!! Take me up to the cockpit so I can see for myself!"
Steward: "Actually sir, we don't call it that anymore."