Stick Jokes / Recent Jokes

Monster: Stick' em down. Ghost: Don't you mean, stick' em up. Monster: No wonder I'm not making much money in this business.

Sometimes advertisers get it all wrong. Here are some funny examples of advertising campaigns that ended up being entirely inappropriate.
1. Coors put its slogan, "Turn it loose," into Spanish,
where it was read as "Suffer from diarrhea".
2. Clairol introduced the "Mist Stick", a curling iron,
into German only to find out that "mist" is slang for
manure. Not too many people had a use for
the "manure stick".
3. An American T-shirt maker in Miami printed shirts for the Spanish market which promoted the Pope's visit. Instead of "I saw the Pope" (el Papa), the shirts read "I saw the potato" (la papa).
4. Pepsi's "Come alive with the Pepsi Generation"
translated into "Pepsi brings your ancestors back from the grave", in Chinese.
5. When Gerber started selling baby food in Africa, they used the same packaging as in the US, with the beautiful Caucasian baby on the more...

A man walked into his backyard one morning and found there was a gorilla in a tree. He called a gorilla-removal service, and soon a serviceman arrived with a stick, a Chihuahua, a pair of handcuffs and a shotgun.
"Now listen carefully," he told the homeowner, "I'm going to climb the tree and poke the gorilla with this stick until he falls to the ground. The trained Chihuahua will then go right for his, uh, sensitive area, and when the gorilla instinctivly crosses his hands in front to protect himself, you slap the handcuffs on"
"Ok, got it." the homeowner replied. "But whats that shotgun for?"
"If I fall out of the tree before the gorilla," the man said, "shoot the Chihuahua."

A man walked into his backyard one morning and found there was a gorilla in a tree. He called a gorilla-removal service, and soon a serviceman arrived with a stick, a Chihuahua, a pair of handcuffs and a shotgun. "Now listen carefully," he told the homeowner, "I'm going to climb the tree and poke the gorilla with this stick until he falls to the ground. The trained Chihuahua will then go right for his, uh, sensitive area, and when the gorilla instinctivly crosses his hands in front to protect himself, you slap the handcuffs on""Ok, got it." the homeowner replied. "But whats that shotgun for?""If I fall out of the tree before the gorilla," the man said, "shoot the Chihuahua."

The basic training of every singer should, of course, include myriad types of practical and theoretical emphases. One important area which is often neglected, however, is the art of one-upmanship. The following rules are intended as guides to the development of habits which will promote the proper type of relationship between singer and conductor. 1. Never be satisfied with the starting pitch. If the conductor uses a pitch-pipe, make known your preference for pitches from the piano and vice-versa. 2. Complain about the temperature of the rehearsal room, the lighting, crowded space, and of a draft. It's best to do this when the conductor is under pressure. 3. Bury your head in the music just before cues. 4. Ask for a re-audition or seating change. Ask often. Give the impression you're about to quit. Let the conductor know you're there as a personal favour. 5. Loudly clear your throat during pauses (tenors are trained to do this from birth). Quiet instrumental interludes are a good more...

People are always on the lookout for a new diet. The trouble with most diets is that you don't get enough to eat (the starvation diet), you don't get enough variation (the liquid diet) or you go broke (the all-meat diet). Consequently, people tend to cheat on their diets, or quit after 3 days. Well, now there's the new Toddler Miracle Diet.Over the years you may have noticed that most two year olds are trim. Now the formula to their success is available to all in this new diet. You may want to consult your doctor before embarking on this diet, otherwise, you may be seeing him afterwards. Good Luck !!! DAY ONE:Breakfast: One scrambled egg, one piece of toast with grape jelly.Eat 2 bites of egg, using your fingers; dump the rest on the floor.Take 1 bite of toast, then smear the jelly over your face and clothes.Lunch: Four crayons (any color), a handful of potato chips, and a glass of milk (3 sips only, then spill the rest).Dinner: A dry stick, two pennies and a nickel, 4 sips of flat more...

No one in this town could catch any fish except this one man.
The game warden asked him how he did it so the man told the game warden that he would take him fishing the next day... Once they got to the middle of the lake the man took out a stick of dynamite, lit it, and threw it in the water. After the explosion fish started floating to the top of the water. The man took out a net and started picking up the fish. The game warden told him that this was illegal. The man took out another stick of dynamite and lit it. He then handed it to the game warden and said " are you going to fish or talk?"