Stolen Jokes / Recent Jokes

Why didn't the husband report his stolen credit card?

Because the thief was spending less than his wife did.

Once a man went to a temple to offer his prayers.
Fearing that his shoes would be stolen he left a message "I'm a professional boxer. Don't even think of stealing my shoes!" along with his shoes outside the temple.
When he came out after offering prayers he found his shoes had been stolen. In their place was a message "I am a profesional athlete. Don't even think of running after me".

A man goes into a police station and the desk sargeant asks him what he
wants.
The man says, "Someone has stolen my camel, I went into a bar for one drink
and when I came out it was gone!"
"Now, sir, I think we have had more than one drink. Why don't you just go
home before you end up in a cell for being drunk and incapable," says the
sargeant.
The man pleads his innocence, "Listen, I am not drunk and my camel has
definitely been stolen. Please help me."
"Okay," says the policeman. "Let me have some details. Give me a desciption
of your camel."
"Thank you," the man says. "Well, it is a greyish brown colour, it's got two
humps, it is a male and it..."
"Hold on, not so fast. How do you know it is a male of the species?" the
sargeant enquired.
"Well," the man explained, "The other day I was riding it down the High
Street and two more...

From Seattle, Washington comes the story of a group of cops who couldn't tell the good guys from the bad.

It all began when an 18 year old bozo stole a police car and a cop on bicycle patrol reported seeing the stolen vehicle. A patrol car arrived on the scene and was waiting at a stop light when a second patrol car arrived.

The officer in the second car thought the driver of the first car was our bozo thief and proceeded to ram the vehicle with his car. The officer in the first car thought he was being attacked by the stolen car driver and opened fire. The officer in the second car returned fire and more that twenty shots were fired before the officers realized their mistake. Fortunately, no one was injured.

In the meantime, our bozo thief thought better of things and drove the stolen patrol car to a police station and gave himself up.

A cowboy rode into strange town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers. When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen.
He went into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head without even looking and fired a shot into the ceiling.
"Which one of you sidewinders stole my horse?"
No one answered.
"All right, I'm gonna have another beer, and if my horse ain't back outside by the time I finish, I'm gonna have to do what I dun in Texas! And I don't like to have to do what I dun in Texas!"
Some of the locals shifted restlessly. The cowboy, true to his word, had another drink, walked outside, and his horse had been returned to the post.
He saddled up and started to ride out of town. The bartender wandered out of the bar and asked, "Say partner, before you go: what happened in Texas?"
The cowboy turned back and said, "I more...

A lovely young couple is doing some shopping in town. Having purchased everything they need, they return to the parking lot to drive home. Where's the car? Good golly, someone has stolen it! They notify the police from a phone booth inside the mall and make a report at the Police station. A young detective drives them back to see if any evidence remains from the scene of the crime. But, what do you know, there is the stolen car, back in the exact spot! A note is on the windshield with two tickets to a concert attached. The note thanks the young couple for the use of their car, but the culprit's wife was about to give birth and had to be rushed to the hospital. The young couple's faith in humanity is restored and they go to the concert and have a wonderful time. They arrive home late that night to find their entire house robbed, with a note on the door reading, "Well, I gotta put the kid through college, don't I?"

One day there was a woman who lost her cat named "LOVE." It was pretty dark outside and she lived in New York. So, thinking that he might be down the street, she put on her house-coat and went looking for him.
When a police officer stopped to ask what she was doing, she said very honestly, "I'm looking for LOVE."
The policeman arrested her on the spot.
The cops raided the local brothel and had all the girls standing in line waiting to enter the paddy wagon.
A little old lady walked up and asked one of the girls what the line was for. She indicated they were giving out lollipops. The little old lady liked lollipops so she got in line too.
When she got up to the paddy wagon door, a cop said, "Hey grandma, aren't you a little old to be doing this?"
She replied, "As long as they keep making them, I'll keep sucking them."
The cop got out of his car and the kid, that was stopped for speeding, rolled down his window. more...