Stolen Jokes / Recent Jokes
A blonde woman is driving a Porsche. She sees
another blonde woman with a Porsche that has
broken down on the side of the road. She stops to
ask what's wrong.
The owner of the broken Porsche
said, 'I just had a look under the hood, well,
while I was driving somebody had stolen the
engine.'
The other said, 'Oh, don't wory, I have a spare
one in the back of my Porsche.
A man was driving down the street when he got pulled over for speeding..here's how the conversation went:
Police officer: May I see your license?
Man: I dont have one I got it taken away when i had my 5th DUI...
Police officer: May I see your registration?
Man: Dont have it...' Cars stolen...
Police officer: STOLEN!?
Man: yeah, come to think of it, i think I saw the registration in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there..
Police officer: There's a gun?
Man: that's where I put it after i shot the man in the trunk.
The police officer was disgusted, and called for back up... When the Deputy got there..this is what happened
Deputy: Can I see your license?
Man: Sure
(the license was valid)
Deputy: Registration?
Man: Right here..
(the car was his)
Deputy: Can you please open your glove box?
Man: Sure
(There was nothing in there)
Deputy: and your trunk..
(there was nothing in the trunk)
Deputy: more...
We have all been through job interviews, and we have spent most of the time thinking of what not to do that might make us look bad. Some job applicants however go light years beyond this. What follows is a survey of top personnel executives of 100 major American corporations who were asked for stories of unusual behavior by job applicants. What follows is an unbelievable list of what we can only call "the lowlights." 1. Said he was so well qualified that if he didn't get the job, it would show that the company's management was incompetent. 2. Stretched out on the floor to fill out the job application. 3. Brought her large dog to the interview. 4. Chewed bubble gum and constantly blew bubbles. 5. Candidate kept giggling through a serious interview. 6. She wore a Walkman and said she could listen to me and the music at the same time. 7. Bald candidate abruptly excused himself. Returned a few minutes later wearing a hairpiece. 8. Applicant challenged interviewer to arm wrestle. more...
Florence Flask was. .. dressing for the opera when she turned to her husband and screamed, "Erlenmeyer! My joules! Someone has stolen my joules!"
"Now, now, my dear," replied her husband, "keep your balance and reflux a moment. Perhaps they're mislead."
"No, I know they're stolen," cried Florence. "I remember putting them in my burette. .. We must call a copper."
Erlenmeyer did so, and the flatfoot who turned up, one Sherlock Ohms, said the outrage looked like the work of an arch-criminal by the name of Lawrence Ium.
"We must be careful -- he's a free radical, ultraviolet, and dangerous. His girlfriend is a chlorine at the Palladium. Maybe I can catch him there." With that, he jumped on his carbon cycle in an activated state and sped off along the reaction pathway. ..
-- Daniel B. Murphy, "Precipitations"
A drunk phoned police to report that thieves had been in his car.
"They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator!" he cried out. The police were dumbfounded and dispatched an officer to the scene.
However, before the police arrived, the phone rang a second time with the same voice came over the line.
"Never mind," he said with a hiccup, "I got in the back seat by mistake!"
A drunk phoned police to report that thieves had been in his car."They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator!" he cried out. The police were dumbfounded and dispatched an officer to the scene.However, before the police arrived, the phone rang a second time with the same voice came over the line."Never mind," he said with a hiccup, "I got in the back seat by mistake!"