Stone Jokes / Recent Jokes

It was on the 25th of December when Jesus was celebrating his birthday.He gathered all his 12 desciples and asked them all to go for a walk.On their way, The Lord asked each and everyone of the twelve desciples to pick up a stone.Everyone obeyed and picked up the available stone close to him.Only Judas IsCariot went some distance further and picked up a very small stone.For about a minute walk of silence, The Lord asked everyone to hold his stone facing him, and with they all doing that, Jesus turned all their stones into bread and asked them to eat it.Judas as we all know, became very envious of his friends because his was the least amongst them all.After everyone finished his bread, and after about half an hour walk all of preaching the gospel, The Lord asked them again to pick up stones.They all did and this time Judas picked the very biggest of all the surrounding stones and after about 3hours walk, The Lord said:
Jesus:Put your stones down and sit on them oh you men of more...

Buried in the Dead Sea Scrolls are some accounts of the Apostles during the Ministry of Jesus. There is, for instance, the story of Judas Iscariot, the disciple who later betrayed Jesus, which betrayal led to His Crucifixion.
It is written there that one day, before undertaking a journey across the desert of Samaria, Jesus summoned His Apostles and asked each of them to bring a stone. Informed before hand of their destination, Judas picked up a small stone so as not to tax him with weight for the journey. As the day wore on and the sun beat upon their heads, Judas smiled, for among all of them, he carried the smallest stone and therefore the least burden.
As darkness fell, Jesus told His disciples to pitch tent and to rest for the evening. He gathered them together and asked them to bring forth their stones. Wherefore, He blessed the stones and turned them into bread to overcome their hunger. Judas, of course, had the smallest bread!
On the occassion, while strolling on more...

How To Shower Like a Woman

1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks

2. Walk to bathroom wearing long bathrobe. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror make mental note to do
more sit-ups.

4. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, and pumice stone.

5. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.

6. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.

7. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced with natural avocado oil. Leave on hair for 15 minutes.

8. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.

9. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.

10. Rinse conditioner off hair.
11. Shave armpits and legs

12. Turn off more...

It had to happen sooner or later. Lawyer Dobbins was wheeled into the emergency room on a stretcher, rolling his head in agony. Doctor Green came over to see him.
"Dobbins," he said, "What an honor. The last time I saw you was in court when you accused me of malpractice."
"Doc. Doc. My side is on fire. The pain is right here. What could it be?"
"How would I know? You told the jury I wasn't fit to be a doctor."
"I was only kidding, Doc. When you represent a client you don't know what you're saying. Could I be passing a kidney stone?"
"Your diagnosis is as good as mine."
"What are you talking about?"
"When you questioned me on the stand you indicated you knew everything there was to know about the practice of medicine."
"Doc, I'm climbing the wall. Give me something."
"Let's say I give you something for a kidney stone and it turns out to be a more...