Stool Jokes

A Captain in the foreign legion was transferred to a desert
outpost. On
his orientation tour he noticed a very old, seedy looking camel tied out
back
of the enlisted men's barracks. He asked the Sergeant leading the tour,
"What's the camel for?" The Sergeant replied, "Well sir, it's a long
way from
anywhere, and the men have natural sexual urges, so when they do, we
have the
camel." The Captain said "Well, if it's good for morale, then I guess
it's
all right with me." After he had been at the fort for about 6 months,
the
Captain could not stand it anymore, so he told his Sergeant, "BRING IN
THE
CAMEL!!!" The Sarge shrugged his shoulders and led the camel into the
Captain's quarters. The Captain got a foot stool and proceeded to have
vigorous sex with the camel. As he stepped, satisfied, down from the
stool
and was buttoning his pants he asked the Sergeant, "Is that more...

A blonde wanted to go ice fishing. She'd seen many books on the subject, and finally, after getting all the necessary "tools" together, she made for the nearest frozen lake. After positioning her comfy stool, she started to make a circular cut in the ice.Suddenly, from the sky, a voice boomed, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!!!"Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a Thermos of cappuccino and began to cut another hole in the ice.Again from the heavens, the voice bellowed, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!!!"The blonde, now quite worried, moved down to the opposite end of the ice, set up her stool, and tried again to cut her hole in the ice.The voice came once more, "FOR THE LAST TIME, THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!!!"She stopped, looked skyward, and said, "Is that you, Lord?" The voice replied, "NO you idiot!...this is the Ice-Rink Manager."

A man walks into the front door of a bar. He is obviously drunk and staggers up to the bar, seats himself on a stool and, with a belch, asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender politely informs the man that it appears he has already had plenty to drink and that he could not be served additional liquor. The bartender offers to call a cab for him.
The drunk is briefly surprised, then softly scoffs, grumbles, climbs down from the bar stool and staggers out the front door. A few minutes later, the same drunk stumbles in the side door of the bar. He wobbles up to the bar and hollers for a drink. The bartender comes over and - still politely if not more firmly - refuses service to the man and again offers to call a cab. The drunk looks at the bartender for a moment angrily, curses, and shows himself out the side door, all the while grumbling and shaking his head.
A few minutes later, the same drunk bursts in through the back door of the bar. He plops himself up on a bar stool, more...

An old man goes to the doctor. The doctor asks for stool, urine, blood, and semen samples. The old man can't believe it. He takes all his little sample jars and goes home. At home, he tells his wife that the doctor wants stool, urine, blood, and semen samples. The wife looks aghast and then realisation spreads like the dawn across her wrinkled facial features. "That's easy," she says, relief obvious in her voice. "All he wants is your pajama pants!"

Farmer John had just walked into the local watering hole, when who should he see, but his old friend Chris the tractor salesman sitting up at the bar. Chris looked so down and dejected, that John just had to go up and say something to him. "Say, Chris, how ya doing? How's the tractor selling business these days?" If Chris had looked sad before, at the mention of tractor sales, his face sank even more, and a tear came to his eye. "John," he said, shaking his head, "I don't know what it is. I can't sell a tractor these days to save my life. I'll tell you, I just gotta sell one tractor and soon, or else I'll lose that dealership for good." "Well," John said, taking the barstool next to him, "If you think you got it bad, I got it worse. Now you listen to this...." "I went out to the barn the other morning to milk Bessy. That ol' cow gets more ornery as the years go by. Anyway, no sooner did I sit down on the milking stool and get to more...