Serve Jokes

MONDAY: It's so much fun to cook for Ron. Today I made angel food cake. The recipe said beat 12 eggs separately. Fortunately, the neighbors were kind enough to loan me some extra bowls.
TUESDAY: Ron wanted fruit salad for dinner. The recipe said serve without dressing so, I didn't dress. What a surprise when Ron brought his boss home for dinner.
WEDNESDAY: A great day for rice. The recipe said wash thoroughly before steaming the rice. It seemed sort of silly, but I took a shower. I can't say it improved the rice any.
THURSDAY: Today, Ron asked for salad again. I tried a new recipe. It said prepare ingredients, then toss on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving. Which is what led up to Ron asking me why I was rolling around in the garden.
FRIDAY: I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said put all ingredients in a bowl and beat it. There must have been something wrong with this recipe. When I got back, everything was exactly the same as when I left.
SATURDAY: Ron more...

A Republican, a Libertarian, and a Democrat are seated separately in a restaurant when a poor man walks in; unbeknownst to any of them, it is Jesus.

The Republican summons the waiter and asks him to serve the poor man the best food in the house and put it on his tab; the waiter does so. The Libertarian asks the waiter to please serve the poor man iced tea and to put it on his tab. The waiter does so. The Democrat then asks the waiter to bring the poor man pecan pie with ice cream and to put it on his tab.

When Jesus is finished eating, He goes over to the Republican and says, "I was hungry and you gave Me something to eat. Thank you. I see you are blind." and He touches the man's eye, and it is healed.

Jesus then goes over to the Libertarian and says, "I was thirsty and you gave Me something to drink. Thank you. I see you have a bad arm." and He touches the man's arm, and it is healed.

Then Jesus walks over to the more...

A sophisticated lady went into an expensive restaurant. Before sitting, she asked her waiter, "Do you serve crabs here, sir?"
The waiter replied, "Yes ma'am, we serve anybody in here. Please have a seat."

Buenos Aires (SatireWire.com) — In an effort to fill its depleting ranks of potential leaders, Argentina's Congress today implemented a nationwide draft that requires all citizens age 18 and over to serve as the country's president for a minimum of two days.
Implementation of the presidential draft is expected to reduce turnover in the position by 50 percent. The decision, however, caused violent unrest in the country of 39 million, as hordes of potential conscripts protested outside government offices.
"I love my country, but it is not fair to ask me to sacrifice my future to serve as president," said 19-year-old Manuel Rodriguez, whose low draft number, 0434, makes it likely he will be called up sometime in early 2005.
The nation's mothers, meanwhile, joined in the protests. "Please do not take my baby away!" cried Maria Esconvida, a housewife from Cordoba. "Take me instead!"
Congressional leaders quickly swore her in before she could more...

So anyway, this leper goes into a bar. And this guy is in a really advanced state of decay, you know, like the werewolf's friend in American Werewolf in London, towards the end of the movie... Anyhow, he goes into this bar, sits down at the bar and says to the bartender, "Look, before I order, I'd like you to know that I'm aware of how my appearance affects some people, and I'll fully understand it if you refuse to serve me." The bartender, who is looking a little pasty-faced, says, "No, sir, I am a professional, and you are my customer. It is my pleasure to serve you. What would you like?" "A shot of whiskey, if it's not too much trouble." "Coming right up, sir." The bartender pours the drink, then goes to the area behind the bar, ostensibly to wash some glasses, but the leper can hear him puking his guts out. When the bartender returns a moment later, wiping the corner of his mouth with a rag, the leper says, "Look, I told you I would more...