Stool Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man walks into the front door of a bar. He is obviously drunk, and staggers up to the bar, seats himself on a stool and, with a belch, asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender politely informs the man that it appears that he has already had plenty to drink, he could not be served additional liquor at this bar, and could a cab be called for him? The drunk is briefly surprised, then softly scoffs, grumbles, climbs down off the bar stool and staggers out the front door.

A few minutes later, the same drunk stumbles in the SIDE door of the bar. He wobbles up to the bar and hollers for a drink. The bartender comes over and, still politely - but more firmly, refuses service to the man due to his inebriation, and again offers to call a cab. The drunk looks at the bartender for a moment angrily, curses, and shows himself out the side door, all the while grumbling and shaking his head.

A few minutes later, the same drunk bursts in through the BACK door of the bar. more...

Farmer John had just walked into the local watering hole, when who should he see, but his old friend Chris the tractor salesman sitting up at the bar. Chris looked so down and dejected, that John just had to go up and say something to him. "Say, Chris, how ya doing? How's the tractor selling business these days?" If Chris had looked sad before, at the mention of tractor sales, his face sank even more, and a tear came to his eye. "John," he said, shaking his head, "I don't know what it is. I can't sell a tractor these days to save my life. I'll tell you, I just gotta sell one tractor and soon, or else I'll lose that dealership for good." "Well," John said, taking the barstool next to him, "If you think you got it bad, I got it worse. Now you listen to this...." "I went out to the barn the other morning to milk Bessy. That ol' cow gets more ornery as the years go by. Anyway, no sooner did I sit down on the milking stool and get to more...

Ol' farmer John had just walked into the local watering hole, when who
should he see, but his old friend Chris the tractor salesman sitting
up at the bar. Chris looked so down and dejected, that John just had
to go up and say something to him.
"Say, Chris, how ya doing? How's the tractor selling business
these days?"
If Chris had looked sad before, at the mention of tractor sales, his
face sank even more, and a tear came to his eye.
"John," he said, shaking his head, "I don't know what it is. I
can't sell a tractor these days to save my life. I'll tell you, I just
gotta sell one tractor and soon, or else I'll lose that dealership for
good."
"Well," John said, taking the barstool next to him, "If you think you
got it bad, I got it worse. Now you listen to this...."
"I went out to the barn the other morning to milk Bessy. That ol' cow
gets more ornery as the more...

A pig walks into a bar and orders a beer. After drinking it, he hops off the bar stool, pees on the floor and leaves.Another pig comes in, drinks his beer, pees on the floor and leaves.A third and forth piggy come in and do the same exact thing.Finally, a fifth piggy comes in to the bar and orders a beer. After finishing his beer, he gets off the bar stool and begins to walk out the door.Before reaching the door, the bartender yells - "Hey Pig...aren't you going to pee on the floor like the others?"To which the pig replies - "No you idiot! Everyone knows that the last little piggy goes WEE WEE WEE - all the way home!"

An old man goes to the doctor. The doctor asks for stool, urine, blood, and semen samples. The old man can't believe it. He takes all his little sample jars and goes home. At home, he tells his wife that the doctor wants stool, urine, blood, and semen samples. The wife looks aghast and then realisation spreads like the dawn across her wrinkled facial features. "That's easy," she says, relief obvious in her voice. "All he wants is your pajama pants!"

A Captain in the foreign legion was transferred to a desert outpost. On his orientation tour he noticed a very old, seedy looking camel tied out back of the enlisted mens barracks. He asked the Sergeant leading the tour, "What's the camel for?".

The Sergeant replied "Well sir it's a long way from anywhere, and the men have natural sexual urges, so when they do, uh, we have the camel."

The captain said "Well if it's good for moral, then I guess it's all right with me."

After he had been at the fort for about 6 months the captain could not stand it any more so he told his Sergeant, "BRING IN THE CAMEL!!!"

The sarge shrugged his shoulders and led the camel into the captains quarters. The captain got a foot stool & proceeded to have vigorous sex with the camel. As he stepped, satisfied, down from the stool, and was buttoning his pants he asked the Sergeant, "Is that how the enlisted men do more...

A Canadian is on vacation and walks into a bar.
He sits on this HUGE stool and says to the bartender’ man, I heard things are big down here in Texas, but this is ridiculas! ’ and orders a mug of beer.
He gets a pitcher of beer and asks the bartender, ‘man, I heard that things are big down here in Texasm but this is ridiculas! ’ and goes about drinking his beer. He orders another and he gets really pissed drunk.
Well, not too long later, he has to go to the bathroom really, really bad so he asks the bartender, ‘Where is your washroom??? ’ The bartender says, down the hall, second door on the right. ’
So the man climbs off the stool and stumbles down the hall and enters the second door to the left and falls in this huge swimming pool.
The man is struggling to stay afloat and screams ‘DON’T FLUSH IT!!!