Stool Jokes / Recent Jokes

A blonde wanted to go ice fishing. She’d seen many books on the subject, and finally, after getting all the necessary “tools” together, she made for the nearest frozen lake. After positioning her comfy stool, she started to make a circular cut in the ice.
Suddenly, from the sky, a voice boomed, “THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!!!!!! ”
Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a Thermos of cappuccino and began to cut another hole in the ice.
Again from the heavens, the voice bellowed, “THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!!!!! ”
The blonde, now quite worried, moved down to the opposite end of the ice, set up her stool, and tried again to cut her hole in the ice.
The voice came once more, “FOR THE LAST TIME, THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!!!! ”
She stopped, looked skyward, and said, “Is that you, Lord? ”
The voice replied, “NO you idiot! …this is the Ice-Rink Manager. ”

There was this little guy sitting in a bar, drinking, minding his own business when all of a sudden this great big guy comes in and --WHACK!! -- knocks him clean off the bar stool and onto the floor. The big guy says, "That was a karate chop from Korea."
The little guy thinks "GEEZ," but he gets back up on the stool and starts drinking again when all of a sudden --WHACK-- the big guy knocks him down AGAIN and says, "That was a judo chop from Japan."
So the little guy has had enough of this... He gets up, brushes himself off and quietly leaves. The little guy is gone for an hour or so when he returned. Without saying a word, he walks up behind the big idiot and --Bong!!!-- bangs the big guy off his stool, knocking him out cold!!!
The little guy looks at the bartender and says, "When he comes to, tell him that was a crowbar from Sears."

While traveling cross country, a couple decided to stop for a cup of coffee in a local diner somewhere in Texas. While they were sitting at a booth near the counter sipping their coffee, a local cowboy stumbled in and headed for the closest stool at the counter. As he lifted his leg over the stool, he cut one of the loudest farts ever heard by a human. The tourist jumped up and screamed, "Sir, how dare you fart before my wife!"
The cowboy stopped, tipped his hat politely and said, "Beggin' yer pardon, ma'am... I didn't know we was a takin' turns."

Santa walks into the front door of a bar. He is obviously drunk. He staggers up to the bar, seats himself on a stool, and with a belch, asks the bartender for a drink.
The bartender politely informs the man that it appears that he has already had plenty to drink-he could not be served additional liquor at this bar but could get a taxi called for him.
Santa is briefly surprised then softly scoffs, grumbles, climbs down off the bar stool, and staggers out the front door.
A few minutes later, Santa stumbles in the side door of the bar. He wobbles up to the bar and hollers for a drink. The bartender comes over, and still politely-but more firmly refuses service to the man due to his inebriation. Again, the bartender offers to call a taxi for him.
Santa looks at the bartender for a moment angrily, curses, and shows himself out the side door, all the while grumbling and shaking his head.
A few minutes later, Santa bursts in through the back door of the bar. He plops more...

Roy walked in the front door of a bar, obviously drunk. He staggered up to the bar, sat on a stool, belched, and asked the bartender for a drink. The bartender politely informed Roy that it appeared that he had already had plenty to drink, he could not be served additional liquor at this bar, and could a cab be called for him. Roy was briefly surprised, then softly scoffed, grumbled, climbed off the bar stool and staggered out the front door. A few minutes later, Roy stumbled in the side door of the same bar. He wobbled up to the bar and hollered for a drink. The bartender came over and, still politely but more firmly, refused service to him due to his inebriation, and again offered to call a cab. Roy looked at the bartender for a moment angrily, cursed, and showed himself out the side door, all the while grumbling and shaking his head. A few minutes later, Roy burst through the back door of the bar. He plopped himself on a bar stool, gathered his wits and belligerently ordered a more...

A Canadian is on vacation and walks into a bar. He sits on this HUGE stool and says to the bartender' man, I heard things are big down here in Texas, but this is ridiculas!' and orders a mug of beer. He gets a pitcher of beer and asks the bartender,' man, I heard that things are big down here in Texasm but this is ridiculas!' and goes about drinking his beer. He orders another and he gets really pissed drunk. Well, not too long later, he has to go to the bathroom really, really bad so he asks the bartender,' Where is your washroom???' The bartender says, down the hall, second door on the right.'So the man climbs off the stool and stumbles down the hall and enters the second door to the left and falls in this huge swimming pool. The man is struggling to stay afloat and screams' DON'T FLUSH IT!!!

A man walks into the front door of a bar. He is obviously drunk and staggers up to the bar, seats himself on a stool and, with a belch, asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender politely informs the man that it appears he has already had plenty to drink and that he could not be served additional liquor. The bartender offers to call a cab for him.
The drunk is briefly surprised, then softly scoffs, grumbles, climbs down from the bar stool and staggers out the front door. A few minutes later, the same drunk stumbles in the side door of the bar. He wobbles up to the bar and hollers for a drink. The bartender comes over and - still politely if not more firmly - refuses service to the man and again offers to call a cab. The drunk looks at the bartender for a moment angrily, curses, and shows himself out the side door, all the while grumbling and shaking his head.
A few minutes later, the same drunk bursts in through the back door of the bar. He plops himself up on a bar stool, more...