Stop Jokes / Recent Jokes
A husband and wife are traveling by car from Key West to Boston. After almost twenty-four hours on the road, they're too tired to continue, and they decide to stop for a rest. They stop at a nice hotel and take a room, but they only plan to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road.
When they check out four hours later, the desk clerk hands them a bill for $350. The man explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high. He tells the clerk although it's a nice hotel, the rooms certainly aren't worth $350. When the clerk tells him $350 is the standard rate, the man insists on speaking to the manager.
The manager listens to the man and then explains the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center that were available for the husband and wife to use. He also explains they could have taken in one of the shows for which the hotel is famous. "The best entertainers from New York, Hollywood and Las Vegas perform here," explains the more...
One day a rich greedy man bougt a donkey from a poor man. the man explained:Amen to stop. alleluia to go. oh god to trot. the man didnt listen. the man went on the donkey and said "oh god, here we go." suddenly the donkey troted along. the rich man didnt know where he was going. the man was coming to a clif but didnt realise it. then he saw it and panicked. he tried saying "whow" and "stop donkey stop" but nothing worked. then he stated saying a prayer "in the name of the father, son, and holy spirit...Amen" and the donkey stoped. the man was so delighted he shouted at the top of his voice at the edge of the clif "ALLeluia..."
14 Things to do While Taking a Driver's Test1. Turn the radio on. When the tester goes to turn it off slap his/her hand. 2. Rev the car really high, turn to the tester, and say with an evil look, "buckle up!"3. Come dressed in a suit. Before the examiner gets in the car, ask him/her to put a piece of saran wrap down so he doesn't dirty the seat. 4. When the examiner tells you to stop, pop the hood clutch and say "oops". 5. Get in the car, look down at the pedals, and say, "now which one is the gas again?" 6. After the examiner gets in the car, pop the hood, and get out and check the oil. 7. Fill your car with beer bottles. 8. The whole time driving, talk about how Aunt Gertrude smells like mothballs. 9. Tell the Registrar that you are taking the remedial test. 10. In the middle of driving, put your arm around the examiner. 11. Swear at everybody on the road. 12. When you stop at a light, start revving the engine while looking back and forth between the more...
Two yankees are driving across the Texas desert, it's flat and you can see forever, they approach a stop sign and since the driver can see for miles in all directions and it's all clear he slows a bit then drives right on through.
Soon he see's the flashing lights in his rearview and pulls over, the cop ask's for license and registration, the driver asks why he was stopped and the cop tells him " You ran a stop sign".
The driver says "but I could see for miles, it was all clear so I just slowed down, whats the difference between stopping and slowing down?
The cop says "I'll let you answer that and proceeds to pull the driver out and beat him rapidly in the head with his night stick , then he ask's "now , do you want me to slow down? or stop?"
A police officer attempts to stop a car for speeding and the guy gradually increases his speed until hes topping 100 mph. He eventually realizes he cant escape and finally pulls over. The cop approaches the car and says, "Its been a long day and my tour is almost over, so if you can give me a good excuse for your behavior, Ill let you go."The guy thinks for a few seconds and then says, "My wife ran away with a cop about a week ago. I thought you might be that officer trying to give her back!"
A first grade teacher, Ms Brooks was having trouble with one of her students.
The teacher asked, "Harry what is your problem?" Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the first Grade. My sister is in the third grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third grade too!"
Ms Brooks had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office. While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms Brooks he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer
any of his questions he was to go back to the first grade and behave. She agreed. Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.
Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"
Harry: "9".
Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"
Harry: "36".
And so it went with every question the principal thought a third grade more...
A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice. "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you."
The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished.
He went on, and after awhile he was going to cross the road. Once again the voice shouted: "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you and you will die."
The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him.
"Where are you?" the man asked. "Who are you?"
"I am your guardian angel," the voice answered.
"Oh yeah?" the man asked. "And where the hell were you when I got married?"