Stuck Jokes / Recent Jokes
As I was trying to pack for vacation, my 3-year-old daughter was having a wonderful time playing on the bed. At one point, she said, "Mom, look at this," and stuck out two of her fingers.
Trying to keep her entertained, I reached out and stuck her fingers in my mouth and said, "Mommy is gonna eat your fingers!" pretending to eat them before I rushed out of the room again.
When I returned, my daughter was standing on the bed staring at her fingers with a devastated look on her face and tears down her face.
I said, "What's wrong honey?"
Sad and broken up she looked at me and said -
"Mommy, where's my booger?
There was this woman who had a blonde daughter. One day, she got her ball stuck in the tree.
"Mom, my ball's stuck in the tree. Can I go get it?" she asked.
"No, the perverted boy will look up your skirt and see your underwear. Wait till daddy gets home."
The little girl furiously stomped away.
About an hour later, before her husband came home, the woman saw her daughter playing with her ball.
"How did you get your ball?"
"Well, you said that you didn't want the boy to see my underwear, so I took it off."
This man was walking to his house and saw a tornado and it was coming towards him and then it knocked down his house so he ran and ran and ran then he saw a farm house it looked pretty safe so he ran to it and asked the guy if he could stay there for the night and told him why not then the farmer showed him where he would be staying and said there just one rule he said dont stick your dick through thoes three holes so he said ok but he was curious that night so he stuck his dick though the first hole and said ooo this feels weird then stuck hus dick though the second hole and said ooo oohh this feels so good yes, but he still wanted to feel what was in the third hole so he stuck his dick in it and said aaahhhhhhhh fuckin bitchass mother fukin pice of shit aaaahhhhhh! so he woke up the next morning to see the farmer hovering over him he said you stuck your dick through the three holes didn't ya he said yes and so the farmer said i might as well tell ya what was in the three holes the more...
When a blonde got lost in her car in a snowstorm she recalled what her father had told her, "If you are ever stuck in a snowstorm, wait for a snow plow then follow it." Soon a snow plow came by and she began to follow it. She continued to follow it for almost an hour.
Finally the driver of the plow got out and asked her what she was doing. She told him that her father had told her if she ever got stuck in a snowstorm to just follow a plow.
The driver chuckled and said, "Well, I'm done with the Wal-Mart parking lot, now you can follow me over to K-Mart."
Imagine a farm. On the farm there live a chick and a horse. One day the horse gets stuck in a swamp at the bottom of a field so it says:
"Help Chick pull me out!"
The chick obliges and gets it's Harley Davidson to help pull horse out and all is well.
Two weeks later chick gets stuck in the same swamp and shouts for horse to help.
Horse comes to the rescue and straddles the swamp saying "Grab on!". Sure enough he pulls chick safely out of the swamp.
And the moral of the story is:
If you're hung like a horse, you don't need a bike to pull chicks!
Do Or Say If You Wake Up To Your Roommate Having Sex
50. (the obvious) "Ooooooo"
49. "That would work better the other way around. ."
48. Sniff. Sniff. "Is something burning?"
47. "Damn, that's complicated."
46. "Wait, wait, use my pillow."
45. "Alright already, _I_came."
44. "You guys need a value pak."
43. Smoke a pipe. Every once in a while wave it around and say "Good show, old bean."
42. "Is that sperm or a mudpack?"
41. "You've got something stuck in your teeth."
40. "4 out of 5 dentists say that's bad for your enamel."
39. Go to the fridge, break open a cold one and pick up the remote. Point and click. Complain when they don't change positions.
38. "You know, they say that three's a charm."
37. Suggest your favorite position.
36. Shine a flashlight on them and say, "This is a citizen's arrest, more...
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads "low bridge ahead." Before he knows it the bridge is right a head of him and he gets stuck under the bridge.
Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks around to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?"
The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."