Student Jokes / Recent Jokes

“What’s the usual tip? ” a man growled when, Jason, a college student delivered his pizza. “Well, ” Jason replied, “this is my first delivery, but the other guys said that if I got a quarter out of you, I’d be doing great. ” “Is that so? ” grunted the man. “In that case, here’s twenty dollars. ” “Thanks, ” Jason said, “I’ll put it in my college fund. ” “By the way, what are you studying? ” inquired the man. Jason replied, “Applied psychology. ”

A medical student is taking a test and one of the questions he sees is: "Name the three best advantages of mother's milk." The student immediately writes, "One: It has all the healthful nutrients needed to sustain a baby. Two: It is inside the mother's body and therefore protected from germs and infections." But the student can't think of the third answer. Finally, he writes, "Three: It comes in such nice containers."

It was the first day of school in Marietta, Georgia, and a new student named Suzuki, the son of a Japanese businessman, entered the fourth grade.
The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American history. Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death?'"
She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Suzuki, who had his hand up. "Patrick Henry, 1775," he said.
"Very good! Who said 'Government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth'"? Again, no response except from Suzuki. "Abraham Lincoln, 1863.", said Suzuki.
The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed. Suzuki, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do." he heard a loud whisper: "Fuck the Japs."
"Who said that?" she demanded. Suzuki put his hand up. "Lee Iacocca, 1982." At that point, a student in the back said, "I'm gonna puke."
The more...

An eccentric physics professor is well known throughout campus for having strange tests which often border on the philosophical.
An ill-prepared student goes in for his final exam with this professor, racking his brain to keep all his formulas straight. He sits down, and the professor walks in to start the exam. Grinning, he sets a chair on his desk and writes the exam's only question on the board: "Prove that this chair does not exist." The student groans and drops his pencil, realizing that he hasn't any clue how to solve this problem. Deciding that if he's going to fail, he'll do so with style, the student writes two words on his paper, turns it in, and gets the highest grade in the class.
His essay read simply, "What chair?"

It was the first day of school in Marietta, Georgia, and a new student named Suzuki, the son of a Japanese businessman, entered the fourth grade.The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American history. Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death?'"She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Suzuki, who had his hand up. "Patrick Henry, 1775," he said."Very good! Who said 'Government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth'"? Again, no response except from Suzuki. "Abraham Lincoln, 1863.", said Suzuki.The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed. Suzuki, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do." he heard a loud whisper: "Fuck the Japs.""Who said that?" she demanded. Suzuki put his hand up. "Lee Iacocca, 1982." At that point, a student in the back said, "I'm gonna puke."The teacher glares and asks "All more...

During a practical exercise at a military police base, the instructor was giving the class instruction in unarmed self defense.

After he presented a number of different situations in which they might find themselves, he asked a student, "What steps would you take if someone were coming at you with a large, sharp knife?"

The student replied, "Big ones!"

Teacher: What does your father do for a living?
Student: He is a magician.
Teacher: what is his favorite event.
Student: He cuts people in two.
Teacher: How many brothers and sisters do you have?
Student: One half-brother and one half-sister....