Stuff Jokes / Recent Jokes
Tigers really are as big and poofy and soft as they look, and they purr like a freight train going by. You find this out by taking one for a walk. To take a tiger for a walk, you first need a tiger. Tigers fresh from the bush are not recommended for the inexperienced. What you need is one who's used to the procedure. He or she is thus liable to be merely playful, rather than actively irritated. You also need a friend, whom you really, really trust. The friend carries an apple wood cane; apple, or some other wood which will bend under stress rather than shattering. This, friend, is your backup, and the cane is his or her only tool for everything, from knocking stuff out of the way that the tiger is liable to eat, to crowd control, to hooking on and madly hanging on if things go wrong. What YOU carry is a ten foot length of pass-link chain. This is your leash. Pass-link chain is the stuff where the links will fit through each other. This is important. You need this so you can hook on a more...
Hard drive - Trying to climb a steep, muddy hill with 3 flat tires and pulling a trailer load of fertilizer."Keyboard" - Place to hang your truck keys."Window"
Place in the truck to hang your guns."Floppy"
When you run out of Polygrip."Modem"
How you got rid of your dandelions."ROM"
Delicious when you mix it with coca cola."Byte"
First word in a kiss-off phrase. "Reboot"
What you do when the first pair gets covered with barnyard stuff."Network"
Activity meant to provide bait for your trot line."Mouse"
Fuzzy, soft thing you stuff in your beer bottle in order to get a free case."LAN"-- To borrow as in, "Hey Delbert! LAN me yore truck.""Cursor"
What some guys do when they are mad at their wife and/or girlfriend."bit"
A wager as in, "I bit you can't spit that watermelon seed across the porch more...
A blonde goes into an applance store and asks “how much is that tv. ” THe guy told her “Sorry we don’t sell dumb blondes stuff. ” The confused blonde goes outside and goes to the nearest beauty shop and ask to have her hair dyed. She puts lots of makeup on her face and paints her nails. Now the blonde (redhead now) goes back to the applance store and goes to the manager and says “I would like to buy this tv. ” The manager says sorry we dont sell dumb blondes stuff. ” How did you know it was me she asked? The manager says because thats not a tv that is microwave
Continuing with our list of dumb excuses that will guarantee you won't be invited out again! (unless of course your married an the wife makes you go!)
I'D LOVE TO BUT...
... I changed the lock on my door and now I can't get out.... I feel a song coming on.... I have to be on the next train to Bermuda.... I have to bleach my hare.... I have too much guilt.... I just picked up a book called "Glue in Many Lands" and I'm stuck on it... I never go out on days that end in "Y."... I promised to help a friend re-fold road maps.... I'm attending a perfume convention as guest sniffer.... I'm having all my plants neutered.... I'm making a home movie called "The Thing That Grew in My Refrigerator."... I'm too old for that stuff.... I'm too young for that stuff.... I'm touring China with a wok band.... I'm trying desperately to be less popular.... I'm uncomfortable when I'm alone or with others.... I'm waiting to see if I'm already a winner.... My bathroom more...
Hard drive - Trying to climb a steep, muddy hill with 3 flat tires and pulling a trailer load of fertilizer."Keyboard" - Place to hang your truck keys."Window"
Place in the truck to hang your guns."Floppy"
When you run out of Polygrip."Modem"
How you got rid of your dandelions."ROM"
Delicious when you mix it with coca cola."Byte"
First word in a kiss-off phrase."Reboot"
What you do when the first pair gets covered with barnyard stuff."Network"
Activity meant to provide bait for your trot line."Mouse"
Fuzzy, soft thing you stuff in your beer bottle in order to get a free case."LAN"
To borrow as in, "Hey Delbert! LAN me yore truck.""Cursor"
What some guys do when they are mad at their wife and/or girlfriend."bit"
A wager as in, "I bit you can't spit that watermelon seed across the porch more...
Continuing with our list of dumb excuses that will guarantee you won't be invited out again! (unless of course your married an the wife makes you go!)I'D LOVE TO BUT... I changed the lock on my door and now I can't get out.... I feel a song coming on.... I have to be on the next train to Bermuda.... I have to bleach my hare.... I have too much guilt.... I just picked up a book called "Glue in Many Lands" and I'm stuck on it... I never go out on days that end in "Y."... I promised to help a friend re-fold road maps.... I'm attending a perfume convention as guest sniffer.... I'm having all my plants neutered.... I'm making a home movie called "The Thing That Grew in My Refrigerator."... I'm too old for that stuff.... I'm too young for that stuff.... I'm touring China with a wok band.... I'm trying desperately to be less popular.... I'm uncomfortable when I'm alone or with others.... I'm waiting to see if I'm already a winner.... My bathroom tiles need more...
Two boys were walking home from Sunday school after hearing a strong preaching on the devil.
One said to the other, "What do you think about all this Satan stuff?"
The other boy replied, "Well, you know how Santa Claus turned out. It's probably just your dad!"