Stuff Jokes / Recent Jokes

A woman`s work that is never done is the stuff she asks her husband to do.

Hard Drive = Attempting to climb a steep, muddy hill with 3 flat tires and hauling a trailer load of fertilizer.
Window = Place in your truck to hang your guns.
Keyboard = Place to hang your truck keys.
Modem = How you got rid of your dandelions.
Floppy = When you run out of Polygrip.
Byte = First word in a kiss-off phrase.
Cursor = What some guys do when they get mad at their wife/girlfriend.
Bit = A wager, as in, "I bit you can't spit that watermelon seed across the porch longways."
Reboot = What you do when the first pair gets covered with barnyard stuff.
LAN = To borrow, as in "Hey, Bubba! LAN me your truck."
Packet = What you do to a suitcase or Wal-Mart bag before a trip.
Digital Control = What your fingers do on the TV remote.
Mouse = Soft, fuzzy thing you stuff in your beer bottle to get a free case.
Network = Activity meant to provide bait for your trout line.

1. Blaming your farts on me...not funny...not funny at all.
2. Yelling at me for barking...I AM DOG!!
3. How you naively believe that the stupid cat isn't all over everything while you're gone. Have you noticed that your toothbrush tastes a little like cat spit?!!
4. Taking me for a walk, then not letting me check stuff out. EXACTLY whose walk is this anyway?
5. Any trick that involves balancing food on my nose... stop it.
6. Yelling at me for rubbing my bum on your carpet. Why'd you buy the carpet?
7. Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your guests. Sorry, but I haven't quite mastered that firm handshake thing yet.
8. How you act disgusted when I lick myself. Look, we both know the truth, you're just jealous.
9. Dog sweaters. Hello ??? Have you noticed the fur?
10. Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons. Now, you know why we chew your stuff up when you're not home.
11. When you stop to pick up the poop in the yard. Do you realize how more...

December 8
6:00 PM. It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses Print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!December 9
We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the Whole World? Moving here was the best idea I've ever had. Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life.December 12
The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment. My neighbor tells me not to worry, we'll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much snow by more...

Hard Drive: Trying to climb a steep, muddy hill with 3 flat tires and a trailer load of fertiliser.
Keyboard: Place to hang your truck keys.
Window: Place in your truck to hang your guns
Modem: How you got rid of your dandelions
Reboot: What you do when the first pair gets covered with barnyard stuff
Mouse: Soft, fuzzy thing that you stuff in your beer bottle to get a free case
LAN: To borrow, as in, "Hey Dilbert! LAN me your truck!"
Cursor: What some guys do when they get mad at their woman

NASA decided to send a shuttle into space with two monkeys and an astronaut. They trained them for months. Then when they thought they were all ready, they placed all three in the shuttle and got ready to send them up into space. As the moment came closer NASA's mission control center announced, ''This is mission control to Monkey One. Do your stuff.'' At that the first monkey started typing like mad and suddenly the shuttle's engines ignited and the shuttle took off. Two hours later NASA's mission control center announced, ''This is mission control to Monkey Two. Do your stuff.'' At that the second monkey started typing like mad and suddenly the shuttle seperated from the empty fuel tanks. Another two hours later NASA's mission control center announced, ''This is mission control to the astronaut...'' At this the astronaut shouted ''I know, I know. Feed the monkeys and don't touch anything.''

The seven stages of Usenet posting:
1. Innocence
HI. I AM NEW HERE. WHY DO THEY CALL THIS TALK.BIZARRE? I THINK THAT
THIS NEWSGROUP (OOPS, NEWSFROUP - HEE, HEE) STUFF IS REAL NEAT. :-)
[dead chicken joke deleted]
This sort of joke DOES NOT BELONG HERE! Can't you read the rules? Gene
Spafford _clearly_ states in the List of Newsgroups:
rec.humor.dead.babes Dead Baby joke swapping
Simple enough for you? It's not enough that the creature be dead, it
*must* be a baby - capeesh?
This person is clearly scum - they're even hiding behind a pseudonym.
I mean, what kind of a name is FOO, anyway? I am writing to the
sysadmin at BAR.BITNET requesting that this person's net access be
revoked immediately. If said sysadmin does not comply, they are
obviously in on it - I will urge that their feeds cut them off
post-haste, so that they cannot spread this kind of $#! T over the net.
4. Disgust
In message (102938363617@Wumpus), more...