Subject Jokes / Recent Jokes
Stage 1 - SMART
This is when you suddenly become an expert on every
subject in the known Universe. You know you know
everything and want to pass on your knowledge to anyone
who will listen. At this stage you are always RIGHT. And of
course the person you are talking to is very WRONG. This
makes for an interesting argument when both parties are
SMART.
Stage 2 - GOOD LOOKING
This is when you realise that you are the BEST LOOKING
person in the entire bar and that people fancy you. You
can go up to a perfect stranger knowing they fancy you
and really want to talk to you.
Bear in mind that you are still SMART, so you can talk to
this person about any subject under the sun.
Stage 3 - RICH
This is when you suddenly become the richest person in
the world. You can buy drinks for the entire bar because
you have an armoured truck full of money parked behind
the bar. You can also make bets at this stage, because more...
Mr. Smith wanted to become a teacher in the worst way, but the only job he could find was as an instructor at an all female college teaching sex education. His wife was a very jealous woman so Mr. Smith decided he would tell his wife that he would be teaching sailing at this college so that she would not get angry. He was very happy and for months all was well. As fate would have it, one day in the grocery store check out lane, Mrs. Smith overheard a group of girls standing in line behind her talking about college and their instructor Mr. Smith. The girls went on and on about how great this Mr. Smith was at teaching their class. The cashier handed Mrs. Smith her change and said, "Have a great day Mrs. Smith, and thank you, again." One of the girls in line heard the cashier, and asked Mrs. Smith if she was related to the Mr. Smith that was teaching at the college. Mrs. Smith replied, "Yes, he is my husband." Well that set off a torrent of accolades about how more...
Bumper Sticker:
If all else fails
read the instructions
(The Bible)
Bumper Sticker:
Prepare for your FINALS
Read the Bible
Clara: My pastor is so good he can talk on any subject for an hour.
Sarah: That's nothing! My pastor can talk for an hour without a subject!
At an atheist funeral: Here lies an atheist, all dressed up and nowhere to go.
The entire class sat spellbound as the professor announced: "That concludes my examination of the human sexual response. However, there's one more point I'd like to make before I get off the subject. . . "
The Five Stages Of DrunkenessStage 1 - CLEVERThis is when you suddenly become an expert on every subject in the known universe. You know you know everything and you want to pass on your knowledge to anyone who will listen. At this stage you are always right. And, of course, the person you are talking to is very wrong. This makes for an interesting argument when both parties are CLEVER. Stage 2 - ATTRACTIVEThis is when you realize that you are the most ATTRACTIVE person in the entire bar and that everyone fancies you. You can go up to a perfect stranger knowing that they fancy you and really want to talk to you. Bear in mind that you are still CLEVER, so you can talk to this person about any subject under the sun. Stage 3 - RICHThis is when you suddenly become the RICHEST person in the room. You can buy drinks for the entire bar because you have a bottomless wallet. You can also make bets at this stage because of course you are still CLEVER so, naturally, you will always win. Anyway, more...
As Sunday approached, the middle-aged minister grew slightly desperate, for he could think of no suitable subject for his sermon. When his wife suggested that he be original and preach on water-skiing, he decided he would do it.
Sunday came and the minister's wife-ill with a virus-remained at home. As the minister drove to church, his doubts about parables found in water-skiing increased. Finally, he decided to abandon the subject entirely, and instead, delivered a brilliant extemporaneous sermon on sex.
Later in the week, a matron of the church met the minister's wife in the supermarket and complimented her on her husband's magnificent talk.
"Where on earth did he ever get all that information?" she asked. "He seemed so positive and sure of himself."
"I'm sure I don't know," the minister's wife replied. "He only tried it twice and fell off both times."
Taken from a memo received at a Fortune 500 company
To: VP, Corporate Administration
From: Kim Macleod
Sent: Tuesday, February 09, 1999 1: 44 PM
To: * - Sales
Subject: FW: Subject: Y to K
I hope I haven't misunderstood your instructions, because this Y to K
problem makes no sense to me. Be that as it may, I have completed
the conversion of the corporate calendar for the year 2000, per my
understanding of the instructions. The months now read as follows:
Januark, Februark, March, April, Mak, June, Julk, etc.
Please let me know if there is anything else that needs to be done in
preparation for the year 2000.