Sucking Jokes / Recent Jokes

A boy had reached four without giving up the habit of sucking his thumb, though his mother had tried everything from bribery to reasoning to painting it with lemon juice to discourage the habit. Finally she tried threats, warning her son that, "If you don't stop sucking your thumb, your stomach is going to blow up like a balloon." Later that day, walking in the park, mother and son saw a pregnant woman sitting on a bench. The four-year-old considered her gravely for a minute, then spoke to her saying, "Uh-oh... I know what YOU'VE been doing."

Little Johnny is the brightest kid in his class, and finishes way ahead of all the other kids during a maths test.
To stop him from disturbing any of the other children the teacher says "Johnny, you are so clever that I'm going to ask you an extra question. There are five birds are on a wall. You're armed with a shotgun and you shoot one of them. How many are left?"
"None." says Johnny.
"What do you mean, none?" says the teacher.
"Well, one falls dead, and the others fly away because of the noise." explains Johnny.
"Ahhh, well done Johnny. I would have said four, but I like the way you're thinking." answers the teacher.
Twenty minutes later, Johnny raises his hand.
"Miss! Miss!"
"Yes, Johnny?"
"Now, can I ask you a question?"
"Please do."
"Miss, thee girls are standing next to an icecream van, and they've all got icecreams. One is licking it, the more...

For my Beloved Graduate Advisor (who just wont let me graduate): -)
Cheers!!

Dracula was killed one day & up he went to the Pearly Gates to meet God.

God refused to let Dracula in because of all the sins that he had done
going around sucking blood & killing.

"I'll give you a chance to redeem your sins", said God "I'll send
you back to earth, BUT not in a human form. You can only be re incarnated
into any other living things of your choice. So, what would you like
to be?"

Still unrepentant, Dracula said, "OK, I want to become a
LIVING THING WITH WINGS & SUCKS BLOOD, heh.. heh.. heh."

"So be it", said God and He turned Dracula into a VAMPIRE BAT.

So back to earth he went, flying around sucking the blood of animals
until one day when he got killed by a farmer. So up he went again to
meet God, feeling a little bit sheepish.

"I'll more...

ARIES WOMEN: Wildly sensual, passionate and adventurous. You'll have sex anywhere, you know what you want - intense and frequent sex, you have a need for complete control, but you're also in love with love. As a mate, you are ardent, loyal, sentimental, and earthly. Biggest thrill - the tickle of a man's facial fuzz.

ARIES MEN: Sleeping with him is like playing croquet with live bombs - you never know what is going to happen! Never expect him to wait for you to be ready - he will rip your clothes off if he is ready to go. Don't tease him or you'd better be ready to deliver. Fond of slave master games and he likes it rough. Aries men are also explorers, so be ready to go where no woman has gone before. His favourite position: a woman on her knees leaning forward.

TAURUS WOMEN: You expect your man to be kind and patient and make love to you by the book. Like to be pleased by sex, but don't look for unusual approaches. But you are a demanding lover and leave your more...