Suicide Jokes / Recent Jokes

A Muslim, A Madrasi and A Sardarji working in a company were really frustrated as everyday in their Tiffins the same things were packed. One day they decide that if the next day the same thing is there they would commit suicide. The next day when they open their tiffins they are depressed and the muslim jumps out the window and dies. same thing is done by the madrasi and the sardarji.
On the 13th day when their wives meet they discuss among themseleves why they did so.
The Muslim's wife says if he would have told me not to give mutton i would have prepared some thing else.
The madrasi says if once my hubby would have told me not to give idli i would have given him something else, why he had to commit suicide.
The Sardarji's wife was a bit confused and surprised. On asking about his husband she replies," I didn't understand why sardarji committed suicide, he used to prepare his own tiffin everyday"

A blonde went to the emergency room with the tip of her left index finger blown off. "How did this happen?" the doctor asked. "Well I was trying to commit suicide," the blonde replied. "Trying to commit suicide by shooting your finger?" "No silly! First I put the gun to my chest and I thought, "I just paid $6,000 for these," then I put it in my mouth and I thought, "I just paid $4,000 to get my teeth straightened." So then I put the gun in my ear and I thought, "this is going to make a loud noise," so I put my finger in my ear before I pulled the trigger?"

A blonde went to the emergency room with the tip of her left index finger blown off.
"How did this happen?" the doctor asked.
"Well I was trying to commit suicide," the blonde replied.
"Trying to commit suicide by shooting your finger?"
"No silly! First I put the gun to my chest and I thought, "I just paid $6,000 for these," then I put it in my mouth and I thought, "I just paid $4,000 to get my teeth straightened."
So then I put the gun in my ear and I thought, "this is going to make a loud noise," so I put my finger in my ear before I pulled the trigger?"

A blonde went to the emergency room with the tip of her left index finger blown off."How did this happen?" the doctor asked. "Well I was trying to commit suicide," the blonde replied."Trying to commit suicide by shooting your finger?""No silly! First I put the gun to my chest and I thought, "I just paid $6,000 for these," then I put it in my mouth and I thought, "I just paid $4,000 to get my teeth straightened."So then I put the gun in my ear and I thought, "this is going to make a loud noise," so I put my finger in my ear before I pulled the trigger?"

Jacques LeFevrier left nothing to chance when he decided to commit suicide. He stood at the top of a tall cliff and tied a noose around his neck. He tied the other end of the rope to a large rock. He drank some poison and set fire to his clothes. He even tried to shoot himself at the last moment.

He jumped and fired the pistol. The bullet missed him and cut through the rope above him. Free of the threat of hanging, he plunged into the sea. The sudden dunking extinguished the flames and made him vomit the poison.

He was dragged out of the water by a kind fisherman and was taken to hospital, where he died. .. of exposure!!!

A super model walked into a doctor's office with a hole in her hand. The doctor told her that he had
to report all gunshot wounds, and this was an obvious gunshot wound, so would she please explain how
it happened?
The super mode said, "Well, to be honest with you, I was trying to commit suicide, so first I stuck
the gun in my mouth, but thought, wait a minute, I just had all that bridge work done, and I don't
want to ruin it.
So, I pointed the gun between my eyes, and then thought, wait a minute, I just got a nose job not too
long ago, and I don't want to ruin it!
Then I pointed the gun at my heart, and thought, wait a minute, I just had breasts enlarged, and I
don't want to ruin them!
So then I stuck the gun in my ear, and thought, wait a minute, this is going to be loud!

Banta joins the suicide bomber squad, so when he is given a mission to commit suicide in the enemies camp. His leader supplies him a lot of weapons and bombs stacked to his body and mobile for communications

He lands up in the enemy’s camp, called his boss: sir, there are 2 enemies soldier, can i commit suicide now?

Leader: no, not for two, wait till you see more soldiers.

Banta: sir now there are 25 soldiers, can i do it now?

Boss: wait for more.

Banta: sir, now i am in a midst of 100 soldiers, can i do it now?

Boss: yes, go ahead, you will be a martyr, don’t worry about your family, we will look after.

Banta pulls his knife and stabs himself in his chest.