Suitcase Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man walks into a bar with a large suitcase in one on hand. Tossing
it casually up on the bar, he orders a beer.
"What have you got there?" The bartender asks. The man gives him a mean
look, opens the suitcase, and pulls out out a tiny replica of a piano.
He places it on the bar in front of the bartender. "Well, that's interesting,"
the bartender says.
"You haven't seen it all." The man snaps, turning back to the suitcase.
"Come on, Joe." Out of the suitcase climbs a little man only about a foot
tall, who proceeds to sit down at the piano and play several pieces by Chopin flawlessly. The bartender is very much impressed.
"My god!" he says. "Where did you find him??"
"Well, I was walking along the beach one day," the man says, as the little
man climbs back into the suitcase, "and I came across this really old bottle.
So I opened it up. There was a genie inside, more...

There once was a rich man who was near death. He was very grieved because he had worked so hard for his money and he wanted to be able to take it with him to heaven. So he began to pray that he might be able to take some of his wealth with him. An angel hears his plea and appears to him. “Sorry, but you can’t take your wealth with you. ” The man implores the angel to speak to God to see if He might bend the rules. The man continues to pray that his wealth could follow him. The angel reappears and informs the man that God has decided to allow him to take one suitcase with him. Overjoyed, the man gathers his largest suitcase and fills it with pure gold bars and places it beside his bed. Soon afterward the man dies and shows up at the Gates of Heaven to greet St. Peter. St. Peter seeing the suitcase says, “Hold on, you can’t bring that in here! ” But, the man explains to St. Peter that he has permission and asks him to verify his story with the Lord. Sure enough, St. Peter more...

A man walks into his bedroom and sees his wife packing a suitcase. He says, "What are you doing?" She answers, "I'm moving to Las Vegas. I heard prostitutes there get paid $400 for doing what I do for you for free."



Later that night on her way out the wife walks into the bedroom and sees her husband packing his suitcase. When she asks him where he's going, he replies, "I'm going to Vegas too. I want to see you live on $800 a year."

Taking it all with you
Issy was a rich man who was near death. He was very grieved because he had worked very hard for his money and wanted to be able to take it with him to heaven. So Issy begins to pray.
An angel hears his plea and says to him, "I`m sorry, but you can`t take your wealth with you."
Issy implores the angel to speak to God to see if he might bend the rules. He said he would try. In the meantime, Issy continues to pray.
When the angel reappears, he informs Issy that God has decided to allow him to take one suitcase with him. Overjoyed, Issy gathers his largest suitcase and fills it with pure gold bars and places it beside his bed. Soon afterward he dies and shows up at the Gates of Heaven.
The angel Gabriel, seeing the suitcase, says, "Hold on, you can`t bring that in here."
Issy explains that he has permission and suggests he verify his story with God.
Gabriel checks and says, "You`re right. You`re allowed one more...

As he checked out of the Hillbilly Hotel, the man suddenly realized he had forgotten his luggage. Turning to the world's slowest bellhop, he shouted, "Run up to room 843 and see if I left my suitcase there."

"Sure thing," drawled the bellhop who started moving slowly towards the elevator.

"Hurry!" the man pleaded. "My plane leaves in ten minutes."

"Whatever you say," said the bellhop, then he disappeared.

Five minutes later the clerk returned, out of breath, and empty-handed.

"Well?" said the man desperately. "Did I leave my suitcase there?"

"Yep, " replied the bellhop happily. "You left it on the bed."

An enterprising mayor of the city of Granby, Quebec, a community south of Montreal, established a municipal zoo that has become a significant tourist attraction. It has also given rise to many unusual events. Last September one of the star attractions, Arnold, an Indonesian ape, escaped to the dismay of the zoo director. The matter was a serious one because the members of the staff of the zoo, while expert at caring for animals, had no experience whatsoever in rounding them up or capturing them. The zoo director appealed to the office of the mayor for help and the secretary to the mayor asked, "Have you looked in the yellow pages"? The director said he hadn't, but would, immediately. To his surprise, under "animal capturing service" he found a listing for the Acme Ape Apprehenders. He called them immediately. Within 20 minutes, a panel truck arrived at the admin office of the zoo and a small man emerged and rushed to the director who was waiting at the door. more...

There once was a rich man who was near death. He was very grieved because he had worked so hard for his money and wanted to be able to take it with him to heaven. So he began to pray that he might be able to take some of his wealth with him. An angel heard his plea and appeared to him. "Sorry, but you can't take your wealth with you." The man begged the angel to speak to God to see if He might bend the rules. The man continued to pray that his wealth could follow him. The angel reappeared and informed the man that God had decided to allow him to take one suitcase with him. Overjoyed, the man gathered his largest suitcase and filled it with pure gold bars and placed it beside his bed. Soon afterward, he died and showed up at the gates of heaven to greet St. Peter. St. Peter, seeing the suitcase, said, "Hold on, you can't bring that in here!" The man explained to St. Peter that he had permission and asked him to verify his story with the Lord. Sure enough, St. Peter more...