Summer Jokes / Recent Jokes

Why is a dog so warm in Summer? He wears a coat and pants.

A penguin was driving through Arizona on a hot, summer Sunday when he noticed his oil light was on. He got out of the car and, sure enough, it was leaking oil all over the road. The penguin drove around the corner to a service station and asked the mechanic to take a look at it. The mechanic said he had a few others to look at first but if he came back in an hour he could tell the penguin what was wrong with his car. The penguin agreed and went for a walk. He found an ice-cream shop and thought a big bowl of vanilla ice cream would really hit the spot, since he was a penguin and it was Arizona in the summer, after all. He sat down at the counter and started in on his ice cream. Of course he had no hands so it was rather messy. By the time he was done he had ice cream all over his flippers, and his mouth was a total mess. He walked back to the service station and said to the mechanic, "Did you find out what is wrong with my car?" The mechanic replied, "It looks like more...

A 60 year old man went to his doctor for a check-up. "You're in great shape," the doctor told him. "There's nothing wrong with you. Why, you may live forever; you have the body of a 35 year old. How old was your father when he died?"
"Did I say he was dead?" the patient asked.
The doctor was surprised and asked, "How old is he and is he very active?"
"Well, he's 81 years old, still goes skiing a few times a season and surfing three times a week during the summer," the patient replied.
The doctor couldn't believe it! So he asked, "Well, how old was your grandfather when he died?"
"Did I say he was dead?" asked the patient.
The doctor was astonished. He said, "You mean to tell me that you're 60 years old, and both your father and your grandfather are alive? Is your grandfather very active?"
"He goes skiing at least once a season and surfing once a week during the more...

THE ORIGINAL VERSIONThe ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter so he dies out in the cold. MODERN CANADIAN VERSIONThe ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come the winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving. The CBC shows up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food. Canadians are stunned by the sharp contrast. How can it be that, in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to more...

Despite low ratings, there appears to be a clear winner in this summer's America's Got Talent. It's Sonia Sotomayor.

Richard Watson, an MIT student spent an entire summer going to the Harvard football field every day wearing a black and white striped shirt, walking up and down the field for ten or fifteen minutes throwing birdseed, blowing a whistle, and then walking off the field.

At the end of the summer, it came time for the first Harvard home football game, the referee walked onto the field and blew the whistle, and the game had to be delayed for an hour to wait for the birds to get off of the field.

Richard wrote his thesis on this, and graduated!

A 60 year old man went to a doctor for a check-up. The doctor told him, "You're in terrific shape. There's nothing wrong with you. Why, you might live forever; you have the body of a 35 year old. By the way, how old was your father when he died?"
The 60 year old responded, "Did I say he was dead?"
The doctor was surprised and asked, "How old is he and is he very active?"
The 60 year old responded, "Well, he is 82 years old and he still goes skiing 3 times a season and surfing three times a week during the summer."
The doctor couldn't believe it! So he said, "Well, how old was your grandfather when he died?"
The 60 year old responded again, "Did I say he was dead?"
The doctor was astonished. He said, "You mean to tell me you are 60 years old and both your father and your grandfather are alive? Is your grandfather very active?"
The 60 year old said, "He goes skiing at least once more...