Summer Jokes / Recent Jokes

Summer vacation is a time when parents realize that teachers are grossly underpaid.

A farmer hires a college student one summer to help around the farm.
At the end of the summer the farmer says, "Son, since you have done such a fine job here this summer, I am going to throw a party for you."
The college guy says, "Right on, thanks a lot man." So the farmer says, "Well you better be able to handle a few beers because there will be lotsa drinkn' going on."
College guy, "Hey, I can drink just as much as anyone else so I should do just fine."
Farmer "There is also going to be a lot of fightn' so I hope you are ready." College guy "I have been working hard all summer and I think I am in pretty good shape."
Farmer says, "Well, did I mention that there will be lotsa sex?" College guy "Good. I have been out here all summer and I have been dying for some action. What should I wear to this party?"
Farmer says, "I don't care; it's just going to be me and you."

A certain lawyer was quite wealthy and had a summer house in the country, to which he retreated for several weeks of the year. Each summer, the lawyer would invite a different friend of his (no, that's not the punch line) to spend a week or two up at this place, which happened to be in a backwoods section of Maine. On one particular occasion, he invited a Czechoslovakian friend to stay with him. The friend, eager to get a freebee off a lawyer, agreed. Well, they had a splendid time in the country - rising early and living in the great outdoors. Early one morning, the lawyer and his Czechoslovakian companion went out to pick berries for their morning breakfast. As they went around the berry patch, gathering blueberries and raspberries in tremendous quantities, along came two huge Bears - a male and a female. Well, the lawyer, seeing the two bears, immediately dashed for cover. His friend, though, wasn't so lucky, and the male bear reached him and swallowed him whole. The lawyer ran more...

A 60 year old man went to a doctor for a check-up. The doctor told him, “You’re in terrific shape. There’s nothing wrong with you. Why, you might live forever; you have the body of a 35 year old. By the way, how old was your father when he died? ”
The 60 year old responded, “Did I say he was dead? ”
The doctor was surprised and asked, “How old is he and is he very active? ”
The 60 year old responded, “Well, he is 82 years old and he still goes skiing 3 times a season and surfing three times a week during the summer. ”
The doctor couldn’t believe it! So he said, “Well, how old was your grandfather when he died? ”
The 60 year old responded again, “Did I say he was dead? ”
The doctor was astonished. He said, “You mean to tell me you are 60 years old and both your father and your grandfather are alive? Is your grandfather very active? ”
The 60 year old said, “He goes skiing at least once a season and surfing once a more...

A certain lawyer was quite wealthy and had a summer house in the country, to which he retreated for several weeks of the year. Each summer, the lawyer would invite a different friend of his (no, that's not the punch line) to spend a week or two up at this place, which happened to be in a
backwoods section of Maine.
On one particular occasion, he invited a Czechoslovakian friend to stay with him. The friend, eager to get a freebie off a lawyer, agreed. Well, they had a splendid time in the country - rising early and living in the great outdoors.
Early one morning, the lawyer and his Czechoslovakian companion went out to pick berries for their morning breakfast. As they went around the berry patch, gathering blueberries and raspberries in tremendous quantities, along came two huge Bears - a male and a female. Well, the lawyer, seeing the two bears, immediately dashed for cover. His friend, though, wasn't so lucky, and the male bear
reached him and swallowed him whole. more...

On the first day of a new school year the Teacher asked all of the students to come up to the front of the class and tell everyone something interesting from their Summer.
Little mary comes up to the front and says " My family and I took a long road trip and saw the grand canyon"
The teacher thanks Little Mary and after going through all the childrens stories she comes to little Johnny.
The teacher says "Now little Johnny anything interesting happen with you this summer?"
Little Johnny replies "Well my brother was over in Iraq and he got shot in the Ass"
The teacher replies "Now Johnny dont say Ass say rectum"
Johnny quickly replies "Rectum??? Fucking killed em'!"

Interviewer: What is your father's occupation?
AhalyaP: Ics in summer, Hcs in winter.
Interviewer: Explain it?
Ahalya: He is an ice cream seller in summer & hot channa seller in winter.