Super Jokes / Recent Jokes
They say that the new super computer knows everything. A skeptical man came and asked the computer, "Where is my father?" The computer bleeped for a short while, and then came back with "Your father is fishing in Michigan." The skeptical man said triumphantly, "You see? I knew this was nonsense. My father has been dead for twenty years." "No", replied the super computer immediately. "Your mother's husband has been dead for twenty years. Your father just landed a three pound trout."
Coach Bobby Ross had put together the perfect Lions team. The only thing he was missing was a good quarterback. He had scouted all the colleges, and even the high schools, but he couldn’t find a ringer quarterback who could ensure a Super Bowl win.
Then one night, while watching CNN, he saw a war-zone scene in Bosnia. In one corner of the background, he spotted a young Bosnian soldier with a truly incredible arm. He threw a hand grenade straight into a 15th-story window 200 yards away - ka-boom! He threw another hand grenade into a group of 10 soldiers 100 yards away - ka-blooey! Then a car passed, going 90 mph - bulls-eye!
“I’ve got to get this guy! ” Ross said to himself. “He has the perfect arm! ”
So, he brings him to the States and teaches him the great game of football, and the Lions go on to win the Super Bowl for the first time in history.
The young Bosnian is lionized as the Great Hero of football, and when Ross asks him what he wants, all the more...
GENERAL MOTORS INTRODUCES NEW INSTANT-WIN AIRBAGS DETROIT--
With third-quarter sales sluggish and its share of the domestic market down 11 percent since 1993, General Motors unveiled a new instant-win airbag contest Monday. The new airbags, which award fabulous prizes upon violent, high-speed impact with another car or stationary object, will come standard in all of the company's 1997 cars.
"Auto accidents have never been so exciting," said GM vice-president of marketing Roger Jenkins, who expects the contest to boost 1997 sales significantly. "When you play the new GM Instant Win Airbag Game, your next fatal collision could mean a trip for two to Super Bowl XXXI in New Orleans. Or a year's worth of free Mobil gasoline."
Though it does not officially begin until Jan. 1, 1997, the airbag promotion is already being tested in select cities, with feedback overwhelmingly positive. "As soon as my car started to skid out of control, I more...
A British dwarf's penis got stuck in a hoover vacuum cleaner attachment. How could this happen? Well, this sketch comedian's act includes a bit where he comes on stage with a vacuum cleaner attached to his most private part. Unfortunately, the attachment broke just minutes before he went on and had to be repaired with super glue. Looks like it is important to let super glue dry.
A super model walked into a doctor's office with a hole in her hand. The doctor told her that he had
to report all gunshot wounds, and this was an obvious gunshot wound, so would she please explain how
it happened?
The super mode said, "Well, to be honest with you, I was trying to commit suicide, so first I stuck
the gun in my mouth, but thought, wait a minute, I just had all that bridge work done, and I don't
want to ruin it.
So, I pointed the gun between my eyes, and then thought, wait a minute, I just got a nose job not too
long ago, and I don't want to ruin it!
Then I pointed the gun at my heart, and thought, wait a minute, I just had breasts enlarged, and I
don't want to ruin them!
So then I stuck the gun in my ear, and thought, wait a minute, this is going to be loud!